100 Things I'm Thankful For

 I debated for a long time whether or not to write my annual list of 100 things I'm thankful for this year. A big part of me wants to just skip the tradition and take it back up next year. But I've realized that amidst the grief and sadness and unknowns, I really do have so much to be thankful for. The events on the afternoon of August 10 came completely out of nowhere and turned my entire world upside down. In those first hours of chaos and shock, I grabbed a notebook and started to make a list of the ways God had already shown up. I didn't want to forget them as the next days/weeks/months got crazy. Some of them will make their way into my list ☺

1) Jesus - Over the years, as I've walked this life of faith, I've wondered how people without God can have hope in this sin sick world. Since starting this journey of grief, I wonder even more how people can grieve without the hope that only comes from faith in God. He is my Hope and my Sustainer, my ultimate source of joy and strength and for His grace and mercy, I am beyond thankful.

2)My dad - I never imagined I'd have to do life without him. He was my hero, my go-to source for any and all questions, and a steady influence in my world. I miss him more than I can ever put into words.

3) My llamas - how they are 9, 7, 5, and 3 completely blows my mind. They added a new little sister to the herd this summer and it's so fun to have a little llama to love on again.

4) My brothers and sisters in law - We haven't always gotten along or seen each other often over the years, but I know my dad would have been so proud to see the way we came together to take care of things after he died. Going through my dad's stuff and laughing with them at the random things we found was so good for my heart.

5) Dusty and Katy - my two pups. When talking to my grandma on the phone recently, she said how glad she is that I have these two to comfort me and be there when I cry. I laughed when I told her that sixth sense or whatever it must have skipped their gene pool as my crying has no affect on them at all!

6) Bruce Jenner and Walter - my two cats. While Bruce Jenner is getting grumpier in his old age and hisses more than he used to, Walter is always looking for ways to steal a donut or walks around with cinnamon roll frosting on his forehead after sneaking up to lick the pan. He always makes me smile.

7) My church family - it's one thing to hear all of them say, "We love you" or "Let us know if you need anything" all the time but to see that love and care poured out in real time in the hours and days after my dad died was overwhelmingly beautiful. My phone blew up with texts and phone calls immediately and continued for days.  

8) Rachel - having a friend whose dad died in the exact way that mine did, in the same house mine did, and almost exactly three weeks after mine did has given us a bond that I am thankful for but also wouldn't wish on anyone. It's been encouraging to have a friend walking such a similar road who can relate to all I'm going through.

9) Lilly - watching my niece in her first high school musical last April was so much fun! I can't believe she is 18 and will graduate this spring. She will always be my little Jelly Bean!

10) My Aspen family - having such an amazing school to go to every day has been so healing and helpful. It gives me purpose and even when I show up sad or teary, I am smiling before I know it after just a few moments of interacting with the staff and students.

11) Iced white chocolate macadamia nut lattes from Pony Espresso

12) Heat in the summer and A/C in the winter

13) Cindy - when I was a para at Ashgrove almost 10 years ago, I never imagined the teacher I was the weariest of at first would become such a wonderful friend. Doing life with her is so much fun and I can always count on her for a good laugh or some support and encouragement after a good venting session. She's simply the best.

14) My new car - Lady Kluck is definitely the nicest vehicle I have ever owned and I am looking forward to many years and adventures together

15) Hazel - I will forever be thankful God nudged me to call her as soon as I hung up with 911 the day my dad died. After she prayed with me, she sent her husband my way and made sure I had dinner that night. She gives the best hugs and is always supportive and encouraging.

16) Tyler - after hanging up with me, Hazel called Tyler and before I knew it, he was speeding up the road to my house right behind the ambulance. He helped the EMTs get my dad loaded in the ambulance and the drove up to the ER to wait with me. He helped me understand the questions and decisions that needed to be made in the moments after I was told my dad died, and the next day at the funeral home. He was the voice of practicality I was lacking in the shock and chaos of it all, while making me laugh now and then too. When I was looking at Lady Kluck, he did all the things my dad would have done - looked under the hood, listened to the car as I made sharp turns, reminded me to try all the buttons to make sure everything worked, and even pushed me to negotiate - even if it was only $200! If I thought of him as being like a brother before August 10, I do so even more now

17) Pudding sheets in the summer and flannel sheets in the winter

18) The first snow fall of the season

19) The last snow fall of the season

20) The Nest - having a daycare at school is one of my favorite things ever. Not only do I have my school 'little' that I break out to walk the halls every day, but the staff there have become such great friends. Whether I'm crying into my lunch or stirring the kids up before leaving to go back to class, they will never know how much I love to hang out in there.

21) Chopstix dinner dates with Kristen and Ryan

22) The afternoon my dad died, he was coming down to do some work on my car. My llamas were supposed to come over to play and the 7-year-old would have 'helped' him with the car. When I stopped by their house to pick them up, for the first time ever, they didn't want to come over, and I am SO thankful. If they had, they would have been here to see everything that happened with my dad. God's hand was definitely in that!

23) A good writing pen

24) ER reruns on Hulu

25) Megan - everyone needs a friend that texts, "Put some clothes on, I'm coming over!" She lets me cry in her office, she makes me laugh, and people even think we're sisters! She's got a heart bigger than anyone realizes and would do anything to help our kiddos at school. She's pretty amazing.

26) Hot baths with Scenty soaks and a good book

27) The freedom to practice and live my relationship with God out loud

28) Weekly waffle and ice cream dates with my littles

29) Kristen - I will forever be thankful for the love and friendship of the Lockyear family. I love that whenever I go over to their house, I am welcomed right into the chaos and life being lived there.

30) Jigsaw puzzles

31) I read a quote once that said, "Before Zacchaeus knew he had a need, God planted a tree" and I have seen that played out so many times in the past few months. Before I even knew what I needed, God provided friends that were there to help and support me

32) Popcorn with hummus for dinner

33) My Grandma Judy - there aren't enough words to describe how thankful I am for this lady so full of wisdom, humor, and understanding

34) Crazy daisies

35) Joy - I love having her at the same school as me. She's encouraging, always willing to listen and offer advice, and a prayer warrior.

36) Afternoon naps

37) Ian - more than my pastor, he's become a good friend. Always there with an encouraging word, an answer to any question, a sarcastic comeback, and truth packed sermons. As he is walking through his own season of grief, he reminds me often that he is praying for me.

38) Hawaiian pizza from Papa Murphy's with blue cheese

39) Anna - having a friend directly across the hall at school who lost her own dad a few years ago has been such a huge blessing and encouragement. She gets it.

40) The antics of our chickens - Deputy Peck, Cutie, Ethyl, Arria, and Baby Girl - that make me both laugh and pound my head against the wall at their antics

41) Krista - my favorite person to serve in the nursery with. In spite of what some people think, she DOES know who Jesus is, and I love that we can talk about the super serious but also laugh at the crazy and funny that life has to offer. Her kiddos are the first to hug me on Sunday mornings and I love that whole Edwards family!

42) Toilet paper

43) Vanilla peach muffins in August

44) Jamie - having a secretary at school that not only has a huge heart but also the gift of snark is one of my favorite things about going to school. Always up for a funny story, my latest shenanigan, or letting me sit and just cry while she speaks words of encouragement, she really is amazing!

45) Sloths

46) Thunderstorms

47) Kristen - I will forever be thankful for the way this friend steps in and helps when needed. When I called her in tears, panicking that I wouldn't have my dad's stuff up in Dubois ready for a rummage sale, she was right there helping to organize and price things. She whipped that garage into shape in no time! A week later, she offered her horse trailer to help us get my dad's stuff out of his shop and over to his house. She listens well, is honest in her feedback and has a tender heart that loves the people in her world fiercely. I'm honored to be counted among them.

48) Fire pit evenings with my littles

49) The police scanner app - I have heard the funniest and most heart breaking things. It reminds me to pray for our first responders often

50) Breakfast bagels and coffee dates with Cindy

51) Amber - one of the hardest workers at Aspen who is always looking for ways to make herself and others better. She is my school little's favorite Aaa-bur and has the most fun toys to play with. Having recently lost her own dad, she has advice and helpful suggestions and understands when I show up at her office door asking if I can come in and cry. She makes Aspen a better place!

52) Double punch Wednesdays at Java Java

53) 4th of July traditions with my littles

54) Sheet pan chicken fajitas

55) Scenty's Squeeze the Day

56) Indoor plumbing

57) Everyone that showed up to remember my dad at the pizza place in Dubois. It was nice to finally put some faces with the names he was always talking about and hear stories about him. He left quite a legacy in Dubois!

58) Brown sugar cold foam at Starbucks

59) Rachelle - a great friend who understands the importance of good books and good coffee

60) Sunday brunches with Bill and Pat

61) Flip-flops

62) Nurse Amber - Another amazing heart that makes Aspen such a wonderful place. Whether I'm asking her to check my ear for the fiftieth time or asking if she can write me a sick note so I can go home for day, she cares so much for both the students and the staff at our school

63) VBS at Cornerstone - one of my favorite weeks of the summer

64) Naps

65) LORT on Saturdays

66) Dirty Dr. Peppers

67) Hummingbi rds in the summer

68) Ryan Joe - he will be 15 this year and still calls me Eegee. I love hanging out with him!

69) Keri - I love seeing her smiling face and hearing, "Good morning!" first thing every morning when I walk into school

70) The buzzing of bees after the crab apple trees have bloomed

71) Staycations in Lander

72)  Sunday mornings at Cornerstone

73) Warm afternoons in the hammock

74) Snuggling with sleeping babies

75) Marilyn - her faith, honesty, and laughing with her are some of my favorite things. She is who I want to be when I grow up!

76) Those who have been steady and faithful friends over the past few months, always checking in and making sure I am doing okay

77) Leah - all who know her are blessed by her incredible faith, her encouragement, and her yummy scones

78) Electricity

79) Soft pants

80) My Wednesday small group - I always leave encouraged and with a smile on my face

81) Chocolate long johns with sprinkles

82) The ladies who sit in the second row during the first service at Cornerstone. Every week I make my way down the line, getting the biggest hugs!

83) Sheryl - her practical advice and lists of things to keep in mind right after my dad died were so helpful

84) Seeing the Northern Lights for the first time in my backyard just a couple weeks ago - the heavens really do declare the beauty of God!

85) The Jordan kids - Watching Gage compete in sports leaves me amazed at his grit and determination, reading dates with Ainsley might be my new favorite way to spend an afternoon, and Drake's smile and take on life never fail to make me laugh

86) Warm coats in the winter

87) Summers spent at home watching littles

88) The little pieces of hair from Walter's chest that get stuck in his mouth after he's groomed himself crack me up, especially since he doesn't seem to know they are there

89) Cheese. Of all kinds.

90) The rare days I am able to stay home and stay in my jammies

91) Depot Salsa and cheese sauce

92) The crazy daisies that covered my table in the days after my dad died and the many offers from friends to bring me coffee☺

93) Hint of Lime Tostitos

94) I'm almost to 100

95) True Crime podcasts

96) London Fogs from Java Java

97) Katrina and the space we share at school. I wasn't sure how things would work after they told me I was losing my computer room last year, but I love the way it all came together and the coziness of our set up

98) Inter-library loans

99) Black beans

100) The sun rising every day that reminds me God is not done with me yet and there is still work here to be done