Read Angie's Thoughts

*SIGH* I've never been good at saying goodbye. Never. Even as a little girl, it was hard. Brutal even. And I honestly can't tell you why. I just know they are hard...and I hate them. A lot. When I was little, I would spend some time with my mom in the summers. After not seeing her all year, the build up to a trip to see her was so exciting. I loved every minute with her and the time always seemed to go by too quickly. When the day came to leave, I would begin crying the moment my eyes opened. By the time we got to the airport, I would be a mess, hating what was about to come. My mom always told me I needed to stop crying, that someone might see me in my emotional state and take advantage of me, but I just couldn't and the more I tried to stop, the faster the tears fell and the harder the sobs came. Even today, trying to make myself stop crying only makes it worse. When the time came for me to board the plane, my mind would tell my feet to keep putting one foot  in front o...

I'm really good at pretending. Pretending that things don't hurt me. So good, in fact, that it annoys me at times. Where did such a talent, and a curse, come from? Maybe from enduring abuse at the hands of my grandfather without any trace of emotion on my face so he didn't know how humiliated and ashamed I was? Maybe from hearing negative comments about my mom from my dad and step-mom as I was growing up, feeling that they were somehow putting me down because she was a part of me? Maybe after listening to the hurtful comments my mom made about my period once in my early teenage years, as if I wasn't already mortified at the changes happening with my body? Wherever this ability came from, it hasn't always served me well. Along with pretending that the actions and words of others don't hurt me, I have developed this coping mechanism of becoming angry instead. Several years ago, I was talking to a friend about something that had happened over the weekend. My feel...

I was a little surprised to realize that I already had a blog with this title and it saddens me to know that the hurts are just as strong today as they were when I wrote that first blog in September of 2011 ( http://readangiesthoughts.blogspot.com/2011/09/what-hurts-most.html ). Like I mentioned in that blog, many aspects and effects of my childhood abuse at the hands of my grandfather are long gone. Gone is the anger, the bitterness, and I'm happy to report, some of the shame. Gone are the days when the abuse seemed to haunt my every waking thought and I can only credit that to my faith and relationship with the Great Healer, my God. He has brought healing and restoration I never dreamed possible and I am so very thankful for that. There is a lingering hurt though, one that I fear will last until I see the Lord face to face. We were created to be in relationships and in God's perfect plan, the most loving relationships would be with those we were born into. Aunts, uncles, ...

In a sermon I heard once, the pastor said that contrary to what most people think, sin was not the first problem in the Bible. The first chapter of Genesis tells us the account of creation, ending every couple of days with the phrase, "and God saw that it was good." Then we move on to chapter 2, where sin and Satan enter the picture but if you look early in the book, at verse 18, it says, "The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” There it is...the first problem in the eyes of God. It was not good for man to be alone. We were created for relationships. I, myself, am in a number of relationships. I am a beloved daughter to the King of Kings. I am a daughter to my father. I am a sister to my brothers. I am an aunt to my nieces and nephew. I am a granddaughter to my grandma. I am a friend to countless friends. I am an Eegee to my Ryan Joe. I am a teacher to many children on Sunday mornings. I am a helper to many ...

I got the news yesterday that my grandma Nancy had died. At first, I was okay, thinking it was no big deal. After all, I hadn't seen her since I was 20 years old and it had been several years before that since I had talked to her on the phone. I continued on with my day and went about my work but after a few minutes of sitting and letting the new sink in, I was overwhelmed with emotion and tears and I left work to go home. Like many others in my family, I shed many tears yesterday. However, my tears were not of sadness because she was gone and I was going to miss her, they were tears of anger stemming from a broken heart filled with questions, bitterness, and a longing beyond words. This grandma was the wife of the grandfather that molested me for seven years when I was a little girl. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents when my dad was working but I don't remember too much about her from those early years. Although she was the only mother figure I had during that tim...

Annual 100 list of things I'm thankful for this year....GO! 1) My Jesus...He loves me, forgives me, and died for me. 2) My dad 3) My brothers Bryan and Mark 4) My (soon to be) sister-in-law Kris 5) My niece Lilly 6) Ryan Joe McClelland...still has my heart at 4 years old 7) My job at Ashgrove 8) My kids at church 9) My Grandma Judy...blessed beyond words by her 10) Ella 11) Lola 12) Frankie 13) Bruce Jenner (the cat) 14) My Jeep Lucy 15) My Florida family - Nate, Cassey, Noah, and Sydni 16) My students at Ashgrove 17) Pumpkin spiced chai 18) Heat 19) My co-workers at Ashgrove 20) The first snow storm of the season 21) The last snow storm of the season 22) Turkey 23) Depot salsa 24) Naps 25) Cracking myself up 26) Life cereal 27) My church family 28) My friend Beckie...love her to pieces 29) Beckie's St. Bernard Blue 30) Flip-flops 31) Perrett's veggie sub 31) The fact that my dad loves musicals 32) My cell phone 33) Toilet paper 34) The B...

In Years Past This Summer I love camping. It's one of my favorite things to do each summer. My dad and I load up the truck and the dogs and head into the mountains to our spot - Dutch Oven Springs. It's the same place we've camped for as long as I can remember, at least the past 20 years. We camp right at the bottom of a small hill with the river directly on the other side, within a stones throw. I love falling asleep and waking up to the sound of the river. I always make sure to pack a good book (or two), some good snacks, and my fishing gear and I spend my days alternating between those three things. I could walk for hours looking for petrified wood that lies among the rocks surrounding the river and hunting for wild strawberries to munch on. I've seen bear tracks, a mama moose with her baby, and even a wolf up there and I love it. In years past, my dad and I would go camping every weekend but life has gotten so busy that I have to purposely schedule a we...