Read Angie's Thoughts

A recent conversation with a friend has prompted a trip down memory lane...10 years ago to be exact. I was in my first year of teaching at Trinity Lutheran School after being an aide for three years and I LOVED it. I had a fantastic group of kids, supportive parents, and worked with staff that were practically family. I was making more money than I ever had before, I had friends, a quaint little house with a cute little puppy and life was good. At least from the outside. Inside, I was discouraged ALL the time. I was often on the verge of tears during the day with my students but hid them behind a smile until I was home alone in the evening. There was a heaviness sitting on my shoulders that I couldn't shake, no matter how hard I tried, and I was tired. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I remember laying in bed at night, sobbing, as I reasoned that this world would be better without me in it. I cut often as a way to deal with the pain. This morning in my Bible stud...

The things you did filled me with shame, Tales of such horror I can’t even name. The fear keeps me quiet, unable to speak, But deep down inside, it’s making me weak. It amazes me still, this power you hold, I thought it had ended the night that I told. I’m filled with such shame and even more guilt, Can’t climb over the walls of blame I have built. I can’t find the words to explain how I feel, I only know these feelings are so very real. (Written in 2001)     Several years ago, a former teacher/coach from high school came and did the devotion for the Christian group I was a part of in college. I don't remember most of what he said but one thing has stuck with me all these years. He mentioned shame and being ashamed and what the difference was - shame is being embarrassed or humiliated by something you did while being ashamed is being disgusted or humiliated by something you are (or believe yourself to be).   After being sexually abused as...

"But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul." ~ Deuteronomy 4:29 Dear L and R, I think about each of you often, I wish you knew that. There are times my heart literally aches as I think about our talks - the laughter, the tears, the wisdom shared, the frustrations vented, those issues we never imagined we could give voice to. God brought each of you into my life at the times I needed you most. L - My eyes tear up as I think about God crossing our paths. I needed your friendship, love and support more than I would ever know when we met that day in the online support group for survivors of sexual abuse. I had just started to walk that journey of dealing with, and healing from, all those issues that had existed since I was a very little girl. I was scared, confused, angry and so incredibly desperate for peace from all that seemed to consume me. I think we met before I even came to know the Lo...

One of the greatest perks of going to a new church has been the amazing new friends God has brought across my path. These women of God have loved me, encouraged me, cried with me, and just blessed my heart in ways they will never know. I don't know why it amazes me so much to find like-minded sisters who share many of the same struggles I do, but I am blown away all the same. Finding a friend that 'gets' me is a rare find and I have been blessed with a few of them along the way.   The week before Christmas, I put in an application for a dog at a local shelter that I fell in love with and wanted so badly. A few mornings later I woke up to an email saying the dog was adopted by another family. To say I was bummed was a huge understatement. That age old mantra, "This just means God has something better for me" kept running through my head but it did nothing to ease my heartache. As I was sitting for a minute before starting my day, I thought to myself, "Wai...

How can it be 2019 already?? May will mark twenty years since I gave my life to Christ and started on an incredible journey full of valleys, peaks, and indescribable joy! 20 years!! It will also mark 20 years since I graduated from high school. Gulp...I think that means I'm old or well on my way to it?! As I have reflected on 2018 over the past few days, I have been reminded of how faithful and wonderful my God is. There were many highs and many lows and it seemed to all go by in just the blink of an eye. Why can't time slow down just a smidge? Last year I made some goals for the new year and I took a look back at them this evening... *finding a new church family*  You guys, I met this goal in a huge way. I began attending Cornerstone Community Church last January and thanks to some sweet women who welcomed me with hug and smiles that first Sunday day, I went back the next and then the next until I knew I had found a new church family. I have never worshipped and...

It seems that each year, the Christmas story takes on more and more meaning in my life and a piece that I never took much time to consider really astounds and amazes me. This year there are two things. The first is the obedience of those individuals God orchestrated His story through. Zechariah, Elizabeth, Mary, Joseph, the Wise Men, the shepherds, and Simeon. What if just one of those people had decided not to obey the message the angel brought them or they had in a dream? What if Mary had told God she didn't want to give birth to the Messiah and raise him for God's kingdom? What if Joseph had ignored the dream he had and decided to ditch Mary, believing she had cheated on him, and went to find another more suitable wife? The Wise Men could have easily ignored the message of their dream and went to tell Herod exactly where to find the new King, hoping for some kind of reward or riches for their information. If just one person had been disobedient or had not followed through on...

Every year on Thanksgiving, I publish a blog of 100 things I am thankful for. It is a tradition started by a friend of mine that I have enjoyed writing many years, but this year I am going to deviate from the norm. Something happened last week that blessed me so incredibly that I can't help but share it! Last Wednesday I unexpectedly had to put my pup Ella down. The family I work recently got chickens and Ella killed every last one of them. This was not Ella's first chicken offense, she has killed a handful at various pet sitting jobs and/or a friend's houses. What made this instance different was the effort she put in to getting in the chicken coop. She had climb up a pallet, scale a chain-link fence and then crawl across a wire covered top, looking for a little hole she could worm her way through. While I was impressed at her problem solving skills, I knew there would be no stopping her from getting chickens when she really wanted them. As much as I loved ...