Read Angie's Thoughts

Vulnerability. Does anyone actually enjoy being vulnerable? I most certainly do not. Not even a little. My past is full of instances I let my guard down and was vulnerable with someone only to have that vulnerability taken advantage of or thrown back in my face. I'm sure most, if not everyone, can relate. There is something so devastating about letting someone into the most intimate, painful, and scary parts of our hearts only to have it used against us or ignored. I am learning, however, that true healing and freedom from those hard places of our lives can only be found in being vulnerable and putting yourself out there. That's why I write this blog. It's scary as heck to put myself out there but I cling to the hope that if just one  person can relate or has ever been in the same boat, then the exposure is worth it.  In the Bible study I am doing at my church, the past couple of  weeks have been about hurts, experiences, and longings familiar to a woman's heart. Marria...

 This October will mark 30 years since the abuse at the hands of my grandfather ended. Thirty years and I truly believe I am free from the effects of his actions. Sure, the abuse is always there but it doesn't consume me. It's just part of my life. Very rarely, however, what happened to me rears its ugly head and feels like a literal punch in the gut. Today was one of those days.  Since the release of my book, I have gotten incredible support and encouragement from (almost) every one who has read it. As of this afternoon, Amazon only had one copy left of this first batch that were published! As wonderful as it has been to hear the reactions of the family and friends who have read it, my heart is anxious for my book to get into the hands of survivors. My heart's cry throughout the entire publishing process has been for my story, my poems - my heart - to point others to the healing and peace that only comes through Jesus. Trusting Jesus with this piece of the journey has been...

The ladies Bible study group at my church recently finished the study Finding I Am by Lysa TerKeurst. I have admired her writing and studies for awhile now, she always seems to know the words my heart needs to hear. She has faced similar hardships in her life that I have and her perspective, as well as the way she always points all things back to Jesus, is so encouraging and inspiring. This study definitely didn't disappoint! Something she wrote about has stuck with me in the weeks since we finished the study, a resonating theme in my own life. She talked about holding out the little cup of her heart and asking others to fill it up - her husband, her kids, her ministry - will they say or do something to make her feel like the best wife/mom in the world? Will her ministry make her feel important and significant? She looks to others to fill a vessel that only God can fill, and ends up disappointed and empty every time.  I've been holding out my own little cup for as long as I...

Some weeks are just plain harder than others. Last week was one of those weeks. I had the opportunity to share some of my past with the women in my Bible study group, some of whom I have known for a few years and some I have gotten to know over the past handful of weeks. Do I trust them? Yes. Enough to share the hard things? I sure thought so. We had been studying the I AM statements Jesus made in the New Testament and as the study came to an end, we were taking turns going around the table and talking about which statement was our favorite or meant the most to us. For me it was His saying "I am the gate for the sheep." In our study, we learned that this was a reference to shepherds literally laying their bodies at the entrance to the sheep pen to keep predators from getting in. What a powerful image that is for this little girl who grew up feeling so unsafe, and still struggles at times with feeling protected. As I shared with the group, I started with saying, "As some ...

A lot of people make resolutions at the beginning of a new year or choose a word to focus on and apply to their lives over the next 12 months. I've never been one to do either but I have been thinking back over the crazy unprecedented year that was 2020.  It was a hard year for so many. Covid hit just a couple months in and reeked havoc on all of us. While I wasn't affected as much as others, I did have petsitting jobs cancelled that affected me financially and lost one of my childcare jobs suddenly, although that was more of an emotional hit than anything else. I've never liked goodbyes or endings, and unexpected ones are especially hard. Family members faced unexpected and serious health issues, friends lost jobs that they never got back, and a friend of mine literally disappeared from my life overnight. Yes, 2020 was a doozy for sure! Mixed in with all the hard, however, was so much joy and good news. My littlest llama was born this summer and joined her big sisters in m...

Well, it's finished! My manuscript, that is. Five months after God put the idea on my heart, thousands of words written and deleted later, it's done and submitted to the publisher. I didn't know if this day would ever come. It would seem that just as I thought I was finished, more thoughts would come to mind or someone would suggest another edit. More than that, however, was a huge crisis of faith I experienced in recent weeks. I had gotten my last copy back from a friend who edited it for me and all I had to do was make a few more changes and it would be done. But that copy sat on my counter for weeks and every time I sat down with my computer, I couldn't make myself open the document and start pressing keys. I was stuck and I wasn't sure why. Then out of the blue, it came to me - I was doubtful.  See, now that I've submitted it to the publishing company, they will let me know in about a week if they want to partner with me to publish and then it's up to me...

In this crazy unprecedented year full of firsts and all kinds of twist and turns, here is my list of 100 thing I am thankful for!! 1) My Jesus - the journey He has taken me on this year has been one I never would have chosen for myself, but His faithfulness and unending love has carried me through 2) Dusty Grace - my sweet pup, laying beside me as I type 3) Bruce Jenner - asleep on the couch to my left as I type 4) Lola - sleeping on the heating vent at my feet as I type 5) My dad - always willing to help me out and loves my llamas so well 6) Eowyn - my oldest llama who has an imagination like no other, always keeps me laughing, and is going to change this world in ways I can't wait to watch 7) Lizzy - the middle llama, full of drama! This girl has my heart in her chubby little fist and always keeps me on my toes. Her take on this crazy world always makes me smile 8) Nora - Little Norie Noodle, who smiles like crazy and is so over the moon with her big sisters. I can't wait to ...