Read Angie's Thoughts

April is probably one of my favorite months of the year. Not only is it my birthday month (and that of some of the coolest people ever!) but after a long, cold, and gray winter, green grass starts to grow and the earth just smells new, fresh, and ready to come alive. Kids at school finally get the chance to play outside without their coats and the warm sun both brings out an orneriness and an exuberance for life that is unmatched during the winter months. Evenings are perfect for sitting in the sun with a good book and a whispering breeze to help sort through the events of the day as the sun heads off to bed and the moon prepares for the night shift. There's just something about the month of April! April is also Sexual Assault Awareness Month and my social media comes alive with reminders that rapists are the sole cause of rape, that chains are broken every time a survivor tells their story, and that there is so much hope and healing available for those who have been wounded by sex...

 I've considered myself very blessed when it comes to the different jobs I have had in my life. In the (almost) 20 years since I graduated college, God has given me wonderful employers that have been like family. My job at Trinity Lutheran started out as a one-year position but my time there eventually stretched out over seven years. I can't even begin to explain how much I loved that job! I remember praying at some point that whenever God deemed it time for me to move on from there, it would have to totally be His doing because I wouldn't be able to walk away from the job on my own. He was very faithful in answering that prayer as, during my seventh year there, the school went through an accreditation process that required I join the Lutheran church or find another job. Even though leaving the students and staff there that I loved so much was extremely hard, I had a peace knowing that just as God had opened the door for me to work there, He was closing it and telling me it...

 "Go ahead." "Do it." "They won't miss you until they need a babysitter. Or a pet sitter. But they'll find a new one." "No one sees you anyway." "Go ahead. Do it. The voice of depression can be so loud at times. Deafening. These statements, and more, have been on repeat in my head the past several weeks and I'll be honest, I've thought about giving in. There are days I'm so tired of fighting and I flat out don't want to be here anymore. So many people say they can't wait to get to heaven and hear God welcome them with, "Well done, my good and faithful servant" but at this point, I'd be glad to squeak in by the skin of my teeth (or salvation).  I hesitate to share this because I there will be those that say I just need to 'get over' it and 'move on' already. Believe me, I get that. But here's the thing - if depression was as simple as 'moving on' or 'getting over it...

 I can hardly believe we're already two weeks into 2023! I find myself asking where the time goes more often than not these days. Each day bleeds into the next and quickly turns into a week and before I know it, an entire month has gone by. I've always heard time goes faster the older a person gets and, oofta, is it true! A year ago, I was a hot mess - literally! I was two weeks into my new 'normal' - watching littles a couple days a week and subbing the rest. The transition from full-time llama care to less than 20 hours a week was harder than I thought. I was out to lunch with my dad and he asked how it was going only seeing the girls a couple days a week. I started crying right there in the restaurant as the lunch crowd continued on around us. I missed those little girls more than I thought possible. I remember on my first day subbing, in preschool, a little girl came up and asked for my help with something and my eyes immediately filled with tears, which I had to qu...

 1. My Jesus - the longer I walk this road of faith, the more thankful I am for the hope and peace my salvation in Him gives me. 2. Living in a country where I am free to go worship at a church of my choosing with absolutely no fear of persecution  3. My dad - always there when the chips are down and loves all the llamas I watch as much as they love him 4. Dusty Grace - this ball-playing pup is truly a gentle soul when it comes to the llamas dressing her up or using her for a step stool or falling over on her. She really is Nana from Peter Pan 5. Katy Joy - misses me like crazy when I leave the house for even 30 seconds and gets so excited every day when the llamas come 6. Bruce Jenner - interestingly enough, he's become more affectionate and personable since getting Walter. He's such a big fella but has lots of love to give lately 7. Walter - This hairball of a kitten has brought so much laughter and fun to our llama herd  8. Fresh chicken eggs 9. Iced raspberry mochas 1...

This blog as been ruminating in my head for some time now. As someone who likes to have all my 'issues' figured out, resolved, and wrapped up with a pretty bow before putting them out there, this one has been a bit challenging. I've also realized that as I've delayed writing it, God has been putting more pieces together and that has been awesome to see. It's been 15 months since my book was published. Since I didn't know exactly what I was expecting when it finally came out, it's been hard to measure the 'after,' although I have noticed some interesting things. Friends and family who were so vocal in their support during the publishing process went radio silent once the book actually came out. Friends who were so excited to buy it and read it never said another word once they received their copy. Of course there have been good things too. Friends, and even family, have said they found the courage to tell their own stories after reading mine and passe...

Some people have asked how things are going being off my depression medication so I thought I would give a little update! I didn't realize just how emotional being off the medication would make me! I seriously think I cried more in those few weeks than I had in the past few years and although it was annoying at times, I figured it was something I could live with. What I hadn't counted on, however, was how incredibly irritable I was. The littlest thing would make me annoyed and I noticed it was affecting my time with my llamas, with my friends and family, and even my dogs. In all honesty, I didn't like who I was during those times. At all.  After praying about it and living with my irritable self for awhile, I decided to go back on the meds, but try half the dosage. I'm hoping that will help with the irritation but not mute the other emotions as much. So far, things have gone really well! The irritation is gone, I definitely feel more like myself, and I am enjoying life ...