Thoughts on Suffering

My pastor preached a set of messages on suffering the past few weeks and they were pretty good (and I'm not just saying that out of thankfulness that his 2 part series didn't turn into a month or more...iykyk!) One of my favorite parts about his preaching is that he backs everything up with Scripture and he preaches the tough things with incredible love and grace.

This last Sunday I was sitting next to a friend who has experienced incredible suffering in her life and at one point, I saw her lean into her husband as they continued to listen to the sermon. I'd be lying if I said that didn't make my heart ache a little. Actually, a lot. 

I've always had moments of longing for a husband to help me shoulder the load of life but never more so than when I'm struggling with hard things from my past, I know, I know...not all marriages include a husband that is listening, supportive, and encouraging when their wives are going through something, but a lot of the marriages I know do have that and at times I am extremely envious.

I know most little girls dream of growing up and marrying Prince Charming and living happily ever after. I think that's even more true in the minds and hearts of little girls who experience sexual trauma in their childhoods. I was talking with a friend and fellow survivor about this and she was able to give words to the feeling - when that most vulnerable and tender part of us is wounded, our sense of honor is shattered. We are left confused, betrayed and questioning our very worth. I especially felt this when I disclosed my abuse and was accused of lying.

In most Disney movies, Prince Charming swoops in and makes everything right. He is the rescuer. As a little girl, I longed for someone to swoop in and rescue me. Someone to protect me and show me I did have value and worth. Someone to stand up for me, wrap his arms around me, and say "This stops now." 

As a believer, I know that God is my Great Rescuer. My head knows this 100% and my heart knows it about 80%. Not only did God create us in His image, He also created us to be in relationship with others and I do have a wonderful group of friends and encouragers who are there when I struggle. However, I think a part of me will always long for a husband, even while believing at the same time it's His will for me to be single, until the day I meet Him face to face.

Comments

  1. AnonymousApril 3, 2025 at 9:54 AM

    I understand your hurt from not having your dad and stepmom believe you at first. Looking at it from their eyes possibly, assuming they had not been abused, and they could see it as you just throwing your dad’s dad under the bus. I’m not really surprised they would question it. I’m proud of your dad confronting his dad about the issue. That was probably hard for your dad to see the truth about the man he had always looked up to and good old dad was not so good anymore. Having it all out in the open I am sure had a bunch of mixed emotions for all of you. I can tell you from personal experience that even though I have a wonderful husband of 50 years you still have doubts at times. Two reasons why 1) abused people often are drawn to an abuser 2) Satan knows that is a tender spot for and loves to cause you doubts.
    Thanks for your sharing. It helps to know there are others who have been hurt also

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