Read Angie's Thoughts

It's been almost two weeks since I turned 30. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that...it's not that I went through this big crisis of being another decade older or anything, I just have a hard time believing that it's me who is actually 30 ! I did enjoy a day of celebrating with my class and my friends, and despite being sick and not having a sense of taste, it was a wonderful day! So, now what? I've been asking myself this for the past several days. I am very happy where I am at in my life right now. I have a job that I absolutely LOVE and look forward to going to most days. My dad lives far enough away that I can maintain my independence, but close enough to be there when I need him or take me out to dinner and shopping at Walmart when he's in town. I'm living in the closest thing to a house I have ever rented, and I am content with my family of two cats - Christopher and Calli, and my dog - Maggie. I always told myself I knew I would be 'grown u...

Last week in my classroom, one of the girls asked why the boys always did certain things that drove them crazy. I answered them by saying, "It's that Y chromosome." The enter class asked what that meant and I explained... "When a man and a woman make a baby, they both give a certain chromosome to that baby. Women have two X's so they can only give the baby an X. Men have an X and a Y so they can give the baby either one. If the man gives an X, the baby will be a girl because the X from the woman and the X from the man make a girl. If the man gives a Y, the baby will be a boy because the X from the woman and the Y from the man make a boy. The man doesn't get to choose whether he gives an X or Y, his body just chooses for him" That seemed to satisfy their curiosity and the day went on. Since then, though, there have been a few times when I've heard the boys talking together and one of them says, "It's that Y thing, remember?" :-)

I've always been the kind of person that feels things very deeply. This has proven to be both a good and a bad thing, depending on the circumstances. I know that in this journey of faith, we are not supposed to depend on our feelings, which can be fleeting, but instead on what we know to be true. This has always been a struggle for me because, again, I feel some things so deeply. For instance, good-byes of any kind are enough usually enough to reduce me to a sobbing, snotty mess. Whether it's me saying good-bye, others who are leaving, or even people on tv leaving, it's almost a sure bet I will cry. I don't have to be a rocket scientist to know this began in me  as a child with the painful good-byes after a visit to my mom in the summer. Even now, I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. The ordeal would start a few days or so before I was supposed to leave and I would wait until I got to bed and cry myself to sleep at the thought of leaving my mom. As the day to leave ...

As I have struggled with hurts from my past in recent days, I have also witnessed dear friends of mine dealing with a heartbreaking situation in their own family and tonight I find myself profoundly sad about so many things - foster children being moved from safe homes with families that love them back to their parents who don't have their best interests in mind; children who have experienced abuse that leaves them paralyzed with shame; families who continue to fight and let their own selfish motives stand in the way even as a loved one has died tragically and suddenly; foster parents who give everything for those in their care and yet watch them make decisions that hurt everyone around them; young girls who, for whatever reason, feel so insecure that they write horrible things about others who have done them no harm; children who grow up without a parent and still feel that loss so profoundly as they live their lives as grownups. The pain in this life can be overwhelming at times ...

I spent Christmas this year in Arizona and got to spend time with my beautiful niece Lilly. My time with her is always way too short and I love her to pieces. I sleep in her room when I am there and on Christmas night, I was looking at some pictures of her that I found on her dresser and all of a sudden, this deep sadness washed over me and I found myself crying for the next hour or so. Lilly is 3 years old - so full of innocence, energy, personality, and is growing up so much every day and yet still loves to have someone cuddle with her. Her world consists of her mommy and daddy, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, her friends at school and each day is a brand new adventure. As I looked at those pictures and thought about my time with her over the past few days, I couldn't help but think that I was 3 years old when my abuse started. I look at Lilly, at ALL children, and can't even conceive of hurting them in that way. The thought never even crosses my mind. I can't compr...

A friend of mine posted a blog recently with 100 things she is thankful for as this Thanksgiving season is upon us and I was inspired to do the same thing. So here they are, in no particular order! 1. My Lord...His faithfulness, love, and mercies that are new each morning. 2. My dad 3. My teaching job at Trinity 4. Ryan for inspiring this blog and inspiring me every day in general 5. My beautiful 3-legged dog Maggie 6. My new house :-) 7. Sunshine 8. Raspberry Chai 9. My friend Susan who introduced me to raspberry chai and for the awesome friend she is 10. Christopher - my 13 year old cat who is pretty almost blind but still so loving and cuddly 11. My best friend Amy Katherine Paredes 12. Heat in the winter 13. Sugar cookies with no frosting 14. My class parakeet Happy 15. My church family 16. My Grandma Judy who has taught me so much by the way she lives her life 17. The random hugs throughout the week from one of my second graders - Jesse 18. Calli - my calico kitty 19. My pastor Jo...

   I tried to talk…to speak the words of the pain I was feeling the pain that cuts like a knife the pain that is so intense that I can’t breathe the pain that comes and goes hurting so very much when it comes I spoke the words…I told them how I felt but it fell on deaf ears every word ignored… no one paid attention I was looking for comfort for someone to understand to console me and let me cry… instead came words of a different comfort a comfort I wasn’t looking for I didn’t need to hear those words… that everything was going to be okay that the world wasn’t going to end that we would make it I would make it I needed someone to hold me to hear what I had to say what I needed to say So I picked up the knife felt the rough texture of the handle looked at the blade the little grooves and I drug it across my skin my eye on the tip of the knife as I made a mark it got longer and longer and longer all the while feeling no pain couldn’t feel the knife tearing across my skin The pain was gone...