Read Angie's Thoughts

I've had the idea of this blog ruminating in my head for quite some time now, but have been hesitant to actually write it and put it out there. Why, I'm not exactly sure. I've realized in some of my friendships, my thoughts and feelings are often invalidated, and maybe I fear that if I share, I'll be met with a bunch of, "Well..." or "But..." responses. So keeping quiet is easier. Plus, broaching the subject I'm going to attempt to explain in a way that makes sense, is super scary. But, as one who strives to be real and authentic, I just need to put all my thoughts out there. Awhile back, while looking through a mental health account I follow on Instagram, I stopped on a story that talked about Passive Suicide. I had never heard of it before but it didn't take me long to realize I've actually been dealing with this for the past several years. What is Passive Suicide? "Passive suicidal ideation is described as thoughts focused on dyin...

My pastor preached a set of messages on suffering the past few weeks and they were pretty good (and I'm not just saying that out of thankfulness that his 2 part series didn't turn into a month or more...iykyk!) One of my favorite parts about his preaching is that he backs everything up with Scripture and he preaches the tough things with incredible love and grace. This last Sunday I was sitting next to a friend who has experienced incredible suffering in her life and at one point, I saw her lean into her husband as they continued to listen to the sermon. I'd be lying if I said that didn't make my heart ache a little. Actually, a lot.  I've always had moments of longing for a husband to help me shoulder the load of life but never more so than when I'm struggling with hard things from my past, I know, I know...not all marriages include a husband that is listening, supportive, and encouraging when their wives are going through something, but a lot of the marriages ...

I won't lie. Part of me didn't want to sit down and make this annual list of 100 things I'm thankful for. It's been a hard year in the world of Angie - I've faced some hard (and heartbreaking) truths about friendships, my depression has been pretty bad at times, and I've even struggled in my faith quite a bit. But, as I told a friend just last week, I always feel better after making this list, so here it goes... 1) My Jesus - no matter how many times I fail or how many times I mess up, He picks me up and loves me unconditionally. The hope I have in Him is all that keeps me going most days 2) My dad - he's always there when I need anything at all and the way my littles clamor all over him when they're around makes my heart smile so big 3) Dusty Grace - the Nana dog to my littles and the one who convinces all who come to visit that no one ever pets her and she can't remember the last time she ate 4) Katy Joy - Her hyperness drives me crazy at times but...

After being inspired by a friend's list, I've been writing out a list of 100 things I'm thankful for every year for almost fifteen years now! This year though, if I'm honest, I've been tempted to just skip it. I've been walking through several weeks of fighting off depression and telling Satan through gritted teeth, almost daily, that he's not going to win. So this year, I wanted to just write a simple 'I am thankful for my many blessings' and be done with it. Sitting and writing out 100 things can be pretty tedious, especially when you get into the 60s and start to lost steam! But to sit and think about 100 things I am thankful for requires a bit of reflection, honesty, and a whole lot of intentionality, which is never a bad thing So, in no particular order, here we go... 1. The hope and joy I have that comes from a relationship with my Jesus. The longer I live and the more people I meet and interact with, the more aware I am that true joy can only ...

It happened again last night. I was scrolling through social media and learned an acquaintance had gotten married. I was happy for her, I really was. Many of her peers had been married for years and I imagined there was great joy for her as God finally brought her husband along. But almost instantly, that joy turned to sadness and a heaviness filled my heart. An all too familiar heaviness. One I've felt off and on for years, one that brings tears to my eyes, and one that, if I'm not careful, can turn into incredible bitterness. I've often thought that, besides Jesus, one of the people I am looking forward to meeting in heaven is Paul. I want to talk to him about that thorn in his side because, boy, do I have some questions! Did he experience times when that thorn seemed almost non-existent, more like a splinter in his side and just a mild annoyance? And on the flip side, were there times that little thorn seemed to be so infected and raw that it left a trail of blood with e...

April is probably one of my favorite months of the year. Not only is it my birthday month (and that of some of the coolest people ever!) but after a long, cold, and gray winter, green grass starts to grow and the earth just smells new, fresh, and ready to come alive. Kids at school finally get the chance to play outside without their coats and the warm sun both brings out an orneriness and an exuberance for life that is unmatched during the winter months. Evenings are perfect for sitting in the sun with a good book and a whispering breeze to help sort through the events of the day as the sun heads off to bed and the moon prepares for the night shift. There's just something about the month of April! April is also Sexual Assault Awareness Month and my social media comes alive with reminders that rapists are the sole cause of rape, that chains are broken every time a survivor tells their story, and that there is so much hope and healing available for those who have been wounded by sex...