Read Angie's Thoughts

A year ago, I believed I had found my dream job. I was going to be a case manager for adults with developmental disabilities and I was over the moon excited! For various reasons that you can read about here , I left that job in November. Since then, my life has taken a few turns I never saw coming but were totally arranged by God. A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a friend who is moving away. We were talking about how hard it is to trust God has something better when it seems you're leaving something pretty close to perfect behind. This was a struggle I can definitely relate to. Around this time last year, I began getting to know a lady from my church better and we became fast friends. Pretty soon I was going over to her house almost daily as we shared our hearts and many laughs. I had longed for a close friendship like this for years and was excited God seemed to finally answer those prayers. I have a lot of friends but not many I truly feel comfortable sharing my wh...

I'm a little dense when it comes to God opening a door for me to walk through. I admit it. Sometimes I'm down right dumb about it. Take my job at Trinity for example. The summer a good friend told me they were hiring an aide, I was working at Pony Espresso and I said these exact words to her, "Nah, I think I could become manager at Pony so I'll stay there." Manager at a coffee shop rather than working in a Christian school...really Angie? Thankfully God moved me out of my own way and I applied for the job and got it. When I was hired, it was a one year position and when February rolled around, my boss asked if I would consider sticking around another year. Again, I foolishly opened my mouth and said something to the effect of, 'Nope. You said it was for one year and after this, I'm moving on." *Slap my head* Again, God graciously moved me out of my own way and I said yes to another year. My time at Trinity totaled 7 years and I loved it so much. It wa...

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." ~ Genesis 50:20 All of my tattoos have special meanings to me. My first tattoo was the word 'shadows' from a the lyrics of a song I heard only one time - "Shadows prove the sunshine." My second tattoo were the words spoken a few years ago by a dear sister in Christ as she live out her final days with cancer - "He loves us best." This week I got my third, ;50.20, and it holds more meaning than the others. In recent days God has given me the opportunity to really share my heart with a sister in Christ from my church and in return, she has shared hers with me. In sharing the struggles she has faced walking her own faith journey, she has opened my eyes to an issue I didn't realize I still struggle with regarding the traumas in my childhood - my thought process. The negative thoughts resulting from the abuse at the hands...

I was mad at you yesterday. I'm still mad today. It's amazing to me that I can go days and weeks without even thinking about you and then BAM! Something happens like it did yesterday and I find myself furious at you and all you took from me. Do you know I can't even go to a simple doctor's appointment without thinking about what you did to me? The doctor can't even suggest an exam without my body filling with fear, dread, and shame. You took that from me. Your touch didn't leave physical scars but man, they sure left emotional ones that still affect me to the core of my being today. Did you know that? Did you even think about that all those years ago when you came to me for the first time with those thoughts in your head?? Did you? It's not just you I get angry at. I'm angry with myself. I'm mad that this still affects me the way it does. I'm 36 years old today and the abuse ended more than 25 years ago but it still gets to me. Do you know how ...

This blog will be short, sweet and, hopefully, to the point! When an abuse survivor shares any detail of their story and experience with you, no matter how small or how trivial you may think it is, please say something. Say anything. I still carry shame around with me concerning the things that happened to my body and when I trust someone enough to say something, getting silence in return is painfully brutal. I'm already thinking the very worst about myself and in your silence, I believe you are thinking the same things too - " That happened to her?? Ew." "She didn't do anything to stop it?" I need to know that we're still okay, that you still love me and see me as the woman you saw me as before. I've had many people email or write me to share their experiences and even if I can't respond as thoroughly as I would like to at the time, I always send a little message that thanks them for sharing and tells them I still love them and will respond ...

I had lunch with a friend recently, a gal I can truly appreciate. We are close in age, both single, and both unsure of what God has in store for us, even now in our late 30s. While talking about jobs and family, she gazed off in the distance and spoke these 9 simple words, "I just thought I'd be so much farther by now." Her voice was filled with sadness and so much discouragement, I just wanted to weep with her. I've thought that same thing so many times in recent months and it's a hard place to be. My life hasn't turned out the way I thought it would. The hopes and dreams I had in college (since becoming a Christian) have never come to pass and while I've enjoyed the journey God has taken me on over the years, I can't help but wonder if I missed a turn somewhere. There are many days Satan tries to convince me that my lot in life is pretty worthless and that anyone could easily take my place if I weren't here. Sure, I teach children's churc...

I wasn't going to write this blog this year because I had something different in mind, but a friend told me this evening that she went looking for the blog this morning so here goes... 1) My Savior. It's been a crazy 6 months in my world, with many changes, but He has proven Himself so very faithful. He continues to prepare His way before me and I pray I can be just as faithful to Him and His calling on my life. 2) My dad. He's my rock and supports me in every career move, silly antic, and random conundrum I find myself in. 3) My Ryan Joe. Gosh, I love him so very much and it's been so fun to watch him grow. 4) My church family 5) Old friends 6) New friends 7) Living in a country where the people are allowed to choose their leaders 8) Thanksgiving dinner - will always be my favorite meal all year long 9) My friend Robbi. Even though our friendship seemed brief because she's now moving to Florida, I found a true sister in faith. 10) Ryan's mom Kristen....