The Big 3-0...Now What?
It's been almost two weeks since I turned 30. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that...it's not that I went through this big crisis of being another decade older or anything, I just have a hard time believing that it's me who is actually 30! I did enjoy a day of celebrating with my class and my friends, and despite being sick and not having a sense of taste, it was a wonderful day!
So, now what? I've been asking myself this for the past several days. I am very happy where I am at in my life right now. I have a job that I absolutely LOVE and look forward to going to most days. My dad lives far enough away that I can maintain my independence, but close enough to be there when I need him or take me out to dinner and shopping at Walmart when he's in town. I'm living in the closest thing to a house I have ever rented, and I am content with my family of two cats - Christopher and Calli, and my dog - Maggie. I always told myself I knew I would be 'grown up' when I had two things...a house and my own dog. I figure I'm pretty close at the moment! I'm a member of a church with a wonderful and loving congregation and it's well worth the 25 minute drive each way. My walk with the Lord is not as close as it has been in past years, but I do hope that will change as time goes on. Right now, wanting to spend time in the Word or in prayer just isn't something I am compelled to do. As horrible as that may sound for someone who has a relationship with God, it just is what it is and I'm hoping it's just a temporary thing.
While I do love my job and plan to stay there as long as God allows, I'm not sure what the future will hold. I would love, LOVE to be able to use the abuse in my past to help others in some way, I just don't know how yet. I was watching Oprah yesterday and she was talking to a teenage boy who survived horrible abuse as a child and how his ending the abuse by telling a police officer gave courage to a little girl who was also being abused. Hearing that just pulled at my heartstrings and it has been in my head and on my heart ever since. When I was in college, I was very outspoken about my own abuse and as hard as it was at times, knowing that it was helping others made it easier. During college, and for a couple of years afterward, I ran an online support group for survivors and it was another opportunity for me to share my story and experiences with others and help them out with theirs. When participation in the group dropped off, I took that as God's hand telling me the group had served its purpose. In the years since then, I have tried running another group that never took off, I seriously looked into publishing the poems I have written but seemed to hit a brick wall, and I've even tried writing a book, but even that has stalled out. All this has left me wondering if there is a place/way for me to share my past and I guess all I can do is leave it in God's hands and remain open to whatever He might have in store.
I'm also very happy, and very content being single. When I was in college, I always went to each BCM event or church function thinking I would meet the man God had for me. We'd get married, adopt some kids, and live happily ever after. As the years have passed and I have remained single, not even having gone on more than one or two dates at all, I've realized that perhaps it wasn't really a desire of mine to get married, but more of what I believe was 'expected' of me at that age. I think I can say that because even at that time, I never saw getting married and adopting kids as part of my life, or as something that would happen to me. All that is to say that if it is God's plan for me to marry, I am open to it but for now, it's not even on the radar and I am completely happy and at peace in saying that.
So, here's to the future and whatever God has in store. I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store next!
So, now what? I've been asking myself this for the past several days. I am very happy where I am at in my life right now. I have a job that I absolutely LOVE and look forward to going to most days. My dad lives far enough away that I can maintain my independence, but close enough to be there when I need him or take me out to dinner and shopping at Walmart when he's in town. I'm living in the closest thing to a house I have ever rented, and I am content with my family of two cats - Christopher and Calli, and my dog - Maggie. I always told myself I knew I would be 'grown up' when I had two things...a house and my own dog. I figure I'm pretty close at the moment! I'm a member of a church with a wonderful and loving congregation and it's well worth the 25 minute drive each way. My walk with the Lord is not as close as it has been in past years, but I do hope that will change as time goes on. Right now, wanting to spend time in the Word or in prayer just isn't something I am compelled to do. As horrible as that may sound for someone who has a relationship with God, it just is what it is and I'm hoping it's just a temporary thing.
While I do love my job and plan to stay there as long as God allows, I'm not sure what the future will hold. I would love, LOVE to be able to use the abuse in my past to help others in some way, I just don't know how yet. I was watching Oprah yesterday and she was talking to a teenage boy who survived horrible abuse as a child and how his ending the abuse by telling a police officer gave courage to a little girl who was also being abused. Hearing that just pulled at my heartstrings and it has been in my head and on my heart ever since. When I was in college, I was very outspoken about my own abuse and as hard as it was at times, knowing that it was helping others made it easier. During college, and for a couple of years afterward, I ran an online support group for survivors and it was another opportunity for me to share my story and experiences with others and help them out with theirs. When participation in the group dropped off, I took that as God's hand telling me the group had served its purpose. In the years since then, I have tried running another group that never took off, I seriously looked into publishing the poems I have written but seemed to hit a brick wall, and I've even tried writing a book, but even that has stalled out. All this has left me wondering if there is a place/way for me to share my past and I guess all I can do is leave it in God's hands and remain open to whatever He might have in store.
I'm also very happy, and very content being single. When I was in college, I always went to each BCM event or church function thinking I would meet the man God had for me. We'd get married, adopt some kids, and live happily ever after. As the years have passed and I have remained single, not even having gone on more than one or two dates at all, I've realized that perhaps it wasn't really a desire of mine to get married, but more of what I believe was 'expected' of me at that age. I think I can say that because even at that time, I never saw getting married and adopting kids as part of my life, or as something that would happen to me. All that is to say that if it is God's plan for me to marry, I am open to it but for now, it's not even on the radar and I am completely happy and at peace in saying that.
So, here's to the future and whatever God has in store. I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store next!
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