Read Angie's Thoughts

Well, I know it has been a couple of years since I sent out a Christmas letter but honestly, I was just content with my simple life of working at Trinity and had nothing particularly newsworthy to share. This year, however, there have been some new developments that I want to put out there! I am still teaching 2nd grade at Trinity Lutheran School. This year I have eight students, my biggest class yet! I have three boys and five girls but when you add myself, Happy the parakeet and my dog Maggie who comes to school with me each day, the girls outnumber the boys eight to three so they don't even stand a chance! I continue to love each day at school, rarely thinking of it as 'going to work' but instead, getting to spend the day with my wonderful students and coworkers. I love the chance to share Christ with them, bringing Him into our conversations at any time and hearing my students share the prayer requests on their little hearts is such a blessing and encouragement to me

As I sit here in my pajama pants and enjoy the lazy Thanksgiving with my dad, I am reminded just how very blessed I am. God has been so good and so faithful, even more than I will ever deserve. I thought I would take a few minutes to sit down and write out just a fraction of the things I am thankful for! 1. My Savior who gave His live for me so that I could spend forever with Him. I am thankful for His love and faithfulness. 2. My dad, he's my hero! 3. My nephew and nieces - Lilly, Peyton, and Lola 4. My job at Trinity. LOVE it there! 5. My 8 students...they make me look forward to work every day 6. Raspberry chai 7. Fleece sheets 8. My wonderful Maggie who brings me so much joy and companionship 9. My little red car, Victoria 10. Cheese 11. My best friend Amy. She's my complete opposite but God knew I needed her! 12. The chance to go back to school for my Master's degree 13. My calico Calli - she's so petite and always happy to see me 14. My gray torti L

I've said before that one way God seems to work in my life at times is in spur-of-the-moment ideas or revelations. He has been at work in this exact way this last week and if I stop and truly think about it, my mind can hardly fathom how great He is. Since I graduate with my BA in psychology from the University of Wyoming in 2004, I've been asked numerous times why I don't pursue my Master's degree. My answer was always very simple - I just didn't want to. I had no desire to go back to school. None. After working at Trinity for a few years, I looked into what it would take to get my teaching degree and when I found that it would entail a couple of years on the UW campus, I knew that wasn't the direction I wanted to take. I was content where God had placed me in life and was willing to wait for Him to show me the next move. A couple of weeks ago, while having a really bad day, I was talking with a friend of mine at school. She has been my go-to listening ear

This past weekend I was at a conference for school which also included many pastors from all over the state of Wyoming. As we were all gathered together for a church service, I couldn't help but glance around at all the pastors standing around me singing and think, "I wonder how many of these guys are child molesters." Strange? Absurd? Shocking? Most people would think so, yes. But because the grandfather who molested me for seven years as I grew up was also a pastor, that is often one of the first questions I find myself asking when it comes to pastors. It's what makes finding a new church so hard...I often wonder just what sins the man preaching from behind the pulpit is hiding. This is one lingering affect my childhood experiences (abandonment by my mom and the sexual abuse) still have on me and at times, it is so frustrating. Here are some more examples: ~ When I see any married couple for that matter, often my first thoughts are, "They know each other in

Today was quite a day. It took me awhile to convince myself to get out of bed and, knowing it was going to be one of those days, I stopped to get a coffee on my way to work. By mid-morning, I was fighting back tears and even had a mini break down in the teacher's lounge as I was looking through some cupboards for super glue. I pulled myself together and went back to class and made it until lunch time, so thankful for a lunch volunteer so I could have some time alone. I went to the classroom of a good friend, who has seen me at my worst - a bawling, snotty, hiccuping mess - and sat down in her little kindergarten sized chairs and just let the tears flow. Why the tears? Despite a couple of 'down' days over the weekend, this week really was a good one and all was well. Then I had a dream last night that opened recent wounds I've been dealing with and I woke up this morning so incredibly sad. A friend once told me that when Satan can't get to you during the day, he w

I love my job at Trinity Lutheran. I can honestly say that most mornings I wake up thinking, "I get to go to school" and rarely does the thought, "Time to get ready for work" cross my mind. I've always said that I consider myself very blessed to have found a job I love so early in life. I have had jobs in the past where I would wake up and wonder how long it had been since I called in sick and if it could feasibly be 'sick' again. I love to watch my students learn and grow, I love that I get to take Maggie to work with me and although I keep the same routine in my classroom each day, there's always a new adventure waiting around the corner. I also believe that because I teach at a private school, I get the opportunity to get to know my students and their families on a more personal level and I really love that chance to get involved in more than just their life in the classroom. I really am blessed! This year I am teaching my biggest class since I

The end of October will mark 20 years since I told my dad about the sexual abuse I had endured at the hands of my grandfather, beginning when I was a very little girl. It's hard for me to believe that it's really been that long...20 years can seem like an eternity! One might think that in a span of 20 years, a person who had experienced such abuse would be able to have moved on. I wish that were true for me, and for all survivors, but I honestly believe that healing is a life-long process. Sure, there are some aspects and issues of the abuse that I have made peace with, moved on, and never looked back. Issues like anger and unforgiveness were resolved years ago, and I say that with total joy and peace in my heart because there has been such freedom in letting those bitter feelings and thoughts go. But I do still struggle with other issues. Not all the time, or even most of the time, but there are days when issues like body image, shame, or intimacy issues pop up and must be dea

There are times when I sense a storm looming on the horizon and I almost get overwhelmed with the intensity of what could be coming. Lately, I've had that foreboding feeling in the back of my mind and the corner of my heart. I move through each day content with what life has brought and I try to stay focused on the here and now. But in the quiet moments, tears cloud my eyes and I sense the storm moving slightly closer. Since getting the diagnosis of major depression about 28 months ago, my medication does a pretty good job of keeping me stable. I still have 'down' days, but they are noticeably less dark as they were before I started taking that one and a half pink pill every day. But even still, major lows tend to sneak up on me and yank the rug called 'life' right out from under me. The last one was almost a year ago, right after school had started. I can still remember getting ready for school that first morning of school and crying for reasons I could not expla

A couple of weeks ago, the experience I had been waiting for all summer finally arrived - my best friend Amy and her kids Peyton (3) and Lola (1) came to visit. We had been planning their visit for months and when the day finally arrived for me to go pick them up at the airport, I was so excited! I know I've blogged about Amy and I's friendship before but the one thing that constantly amazes me is just how comfortable our friendship is. With her, I can completely take off my masks, let down all my walls, and be myself without having to hold anything back. We can go months without seeing each other and when we finally do, it's like we just saw each other yesterday. I was excited to see her kids and how much they had grown as I've only gotten to see each of them about once a year since they were born. We had a great time with them here. It was pretty busy and unfortunately, that made the time fly by too fast. I was housesitting the first few days Amy and the kids were

The Israelites were an interesting group of people. They witnessed some of God's greatest miracles and yet turned away from Him time and time again. I've often wondered what it would have been like to live untouched during the plagues in Egypt, walk the dry ground under the parted Red Sea, and be fed by God's mysterious manna every day. How awesome! Of course, there was another side to the Israelites. The were prone to wander away from God and turn to idols of their own choosing, even after all the wonderful things He had done for them. They seemed to cycle through a pattern of following God and submitting to His authority and then turning just as easily, seeming to forget all that God had done for them until something, usually painful, happened that turned them back to God. I've often wondered how they could have been SO blind, having God right there with them doing these amazing things and then purposely turning to worship golden calves. But, if I'm honest with

Almost 14 years ago, I had just started my junior year of high school. My dad and his second wife had recently divorced and for whatever reasons, she got to keep the family pets - a dog and two cats. One night after a volleyball game, my dad's ex wife asked if I would follow her out to her truck because she had something to give me. It turned out to be this little orange kitten that I immediately named Christopher. I don't know why but I loved the name Christopher when I was growing up and many stuffed animals, pet frogs, and other objects bore the name. :-) I was so excited to have a kitten that was mine and immediately took Christopher home where he settled into life with my dad, younger brother Mark, and I. Christopher lived at my dad's house until I moved into my own apartment after my third year of college. Since then, he was with me through two moves, the addition of another cat and later, a dog, and watched as various other pets came and went - turtles, guinea pig

I don't know why, by for the past few days the topic of friendship has constantly been on my mind. I will be busy doing tasks throughout the day only to find I am again thinking about friends I have had - past and present. I've never been one of those people who has a lot of friends. While most people have hundreds of 'friends' even on Facebook, I have less than 100. My best friend is the type of person that has a lot of friends, I knew that from the first day we met. At her wedding, she had 5 bridesmaids and a maid of honor. When they were planning the wedding, she told her fiance that he had a year to go out and make a bunch of new friends so he would have enough groomsmen for all her attendants! I've often joked to people that if I ever get married, I hope my husband-to-be has sisters because I can only name one or two people I would want to stand up with me at my wedding. As I've thought back over past friendships recently, I've come to a conclusion. W

Hello faithful readers, all two or three of you! :) As you may know, I've been trying for the past few years to write some sort of book about my abuse experience. I have always believed God wants me to use the hurts from my past to give Him glory as well as encourage others who have been through similar experiences. When I was in college, I was very outspoken about overcoming my abuse - speaking on panels, to classes, to training workshops, telling my story to the newspaper, etc. Similar opportunities have not come my way in the past several years, so I thought perhaps writing would be a new avenue of getting my story out there. My struggle is this: Every time I have tried to write, I get to a certain point and then I get stuck. I have no problems writing out my story but after that, I kind of draw a blank and wonder, "Now what?" So, here's where I need your help. Chances are you know someone (other than me) who has been sexually abused, probably more than one perso

Today has been a hard day filled with sadness and memories from the past that involve my family. My dad's side of the family used to be so close while I was growing up but after I told about my abuse, it was like those relationships shattered into a million pieces and scattered in a million different directions. I still remember how hurt and confused I was by it all as a little girl, and unfortunately, those hurts are still part of my life right now, triggered by the stupidest little things. Anyway, here are a couple of poems that I wrote about my family and the hurt I feel. Untitled I’m screaming out loud, trying somehow to find A voice for the thoughts that are filling my mind. I want you to hear what I’m trying to say, To see that it’s his crime for which I still pay. He committed the sin and he has hurt us all So why is it me that’s taken the fall? You want to pretend that this isn’t real, While I’m doing my best to just simply heal. You’ve chosen to stay silent and speak hu

For awhile now, I've been following this blog about a little girl named Kate McRae. I don't even remember how I first found the blog but I've kept up with it for over a year. You can go to her blog and read her complete story but in a nutshell, Kate is a little girl the same age as my 2nd grade students who, a couple months ago, was diagnosed with cancer in her brain for the second time in her short life. When the cancer recurrence happened, I shared her story with my students and we've prayed for her daily the past several months. We have her picture up in our classroom so she is always in our thoughts. Occasionally one of my students will say, usually out of the blue, "I just know Kate is going to be the first two beat this kind of cancer twice. She's going to be God's miracle." Out of the mouths of babes! I received an update for Kate's blog tonight and I just feel this urge to share it so that others can also to lift her up before the throne

Mother's Day. These two words bring up many different thoughts and emotions for people ranging from joy and happiness to sadness and pain. For me, this May holiday always conjures up the latter range of emotions. It's hard to ignore the day that celebrates moms as the ads on tv start weeks in advance and stores begin to fill up with those one-of-a-kind items 'perfect for moms'. Even Facebook has jumped on the band wagon and has encouraged people to put up photos of their moms in honor of the upcoming holiday. The simple truth is that I don't have a mom of my own to celebrate on Mother's Day. I know that statement will draw criticism from some people but I believe it to be true. I don't have a relationship with her and she is not a part of my life at all. This is my choice and the reasons why are for another blog, another time. Some would say that since I've made the choice not to have a relationship with her, I shouldn't get sad about Mother's

It's been almost two weeks since I turned 30. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that...it's not that I went through this big crisis of being another decade older or anything, I just have a hard time believing that it's me who is actually 30 ! I did enjoy a day of celebrating with my class and my friends, and despite being sick and not having a sense of taste, it was a wonderful day! So, now what? I've been asking myself this for the past several days. I am very happy where I am at in my life right now. I have a job that I absolutely LOVE and look forward to going to most days. My dad lives far enough away that I can maintain my independence, but close enough to be there when I need him or take me out to dinner and shopping at Walmart when he's in town. I'm living in the closest thing to a house I have ever rented, and I am content with my family of two cats - Christopher and Calli, and my dog - Maggie. I always told myself I knew I would be 'grown u

Last week in my classroom, one of the girls asked why the boys always did certain things that drove them crazy. I answered them by saying, "It's that Y chromosome." The enter class asked what that meant and I explained... "When a man and a woman make a baby, they both give a certain chromosome to that baby. Women have two X's so they can only give the baby an X. Men have an X and a Y so they can give the baby either one. If the man gives an X, the baby will be a girl because the X from the woman and the X from the man make a girl. If the man gives a Y, the baby will be a boy because the X from the woman and the Y from the man make a boy. The man doesn't get to choose whether he gives an X or Y, his body just chooses for him" That seemed to satisfy their curiosity and the day went on. Since then, though, there have been a few times when I've heard the boys talking together and one of them says, "It's that Y thing, remember?" :-)

I've always been the kind of person that feels things very deeply. This has proven to be both a good and a bad thing, depending on the circumstances. I know that in this journey of faith, we are not supposed to depend on our feelings, which can be fleeting, but instead on what we know to be true. This has always been a struggle for me because, again, I feel some things so deeply. For instance, good-byes of any kind are enough usually enough to reduce me to a sobbing, snotty mess. Whether it's me saying good-bye, others who are leaving, or even people on tv leaving, it's almost a sure bet I will cry. I don't have to be a rocket scientist to know this began in me  as a child with the painful good-byes after a visit to my mom in the summer. Even now, I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. The ordeal would start a few days or so before I was supposed to leave and I would wait until I got to bed and cry myself to sleep at the thought of leaving my mom. As the day to leave

As I have struggled with hurts from my past in recent days, I have also witnessed dear friends of mine dealing with a heartbreaking situation in their own family and tonight I find myself profoundly sad about so many things - foster children being moved from safe homes with families that love them back to their parents who don't have their best interests in mind; children who have experienced abuse that leaves them paralyzed with shame; families who continue to fight and let their own selfish motives stand in the way even as a loved one has died tragically and suddenly; foster parents who give everything for those in their care and yet watch them make decisions that hurt everyone around them; young girls who, for whatever reason, feel so insecure that they write horrible things about others who have done them no harm; children who grow up without a parent and still feel that loss so profoundly as they live their lives as grownups. The pain in this life can be overwhelming at times