Here to There
There are times when I sense a storm looming on the horizon and I almost get overwhelmed with the intensity of what could be coming. Lately, I've had that foreboding feeling in the back of my mind and the corner of my heart. I move through each day content with what life has brought and I try to stay focused on the here and now. But in the quiet moments, tears cloud my eyes and I sense the storm moving slightly closer.
Since getting the diagnosis of major depression about 28 months ago, my medication does a pretty good job of keeping me stable. I still have 'down' days, but they are noticeably less dark as they were before I started taking that one and a half pink pill every day. But even still, major lows tend to sneak up on me and yank the rug called 'life' right out from under me. The last one was almost a year ago, right after school had started. I can still remember getting ready for school that first morning of school and crying for reasons I could not explain and the darkness that followed in the days and weeks ahead. It was brutal and it's the memory of that time that makes this looming storm scare me.
A couple of weeks ago, I heard a song called "Here to There" by Nikki McKibbin. I immediately thought of a friend of mine going through a difficult time in her life and the words seemed to speak perfectly to her situation. The more I thought about it, however, I began to realize the lyrics also speak so clearly the cry of my own heart.
Reaching out for help is hard. Really hard. It's especially hard for me because I grew up believing that the only person I could depend on was myself. Because of that, it takes a lot of psyching myself up before I can get the courage to ask someone for help, especially if it has to do with any of the big hurts in my life- the sexual abuse in my childhood, the situation with my mom, and my depression. Of course, in taking great risks comes great blessings as I have gotten some wonderful support when I've reached out to others. There are those, of course, that say hurtful things and make me wish I hadn't said anything at all, but overall, I have been beyond blessed by those who have come alongside to help me bear my burdens. However, it takes a lot on their part to walk beside me and be my friend during my difficult times. I've learned over time which friends I can talk to about which issues and although I really only have one friend I can talk to freely about all the issues in my life, I consider myself blessed because some people don't have even that one friend.
So, I will continue to walk life's journey asking this question, "Will you help me get from here to there?" Thank you to the friends already in my life who are helping me along the journey and thank you in advance to all those who will come in the future.
Since getting the diagnosis of major depression about 28 months ago, my medication does a pretty good job of keeping me stable. I still have 'down' days, but they are noticeably less dark as they were before I started taking that one and a half pink pill every day. But even still, major lows tend to sneak up on me and yank the rug called 'life' right out from under me. The last one was almost a year ago, right after school had started. I can still remember getting ready for school that first morning of school and crying for reasons I could not explain and the darkness that followed in the days and weeks ahead. It was brutal and it's the memory of that time that makes this looming storm scare me.
A couple of weeks ago, I heard a song called "Here to There" by Nikki McKibbin. I immediately thought of a friend of mine going through a difficult time in her life and the words seemed to speak perfectly to her situation. The more I thought about it, however, I began to realize the lyrics also speak so clearly the cry of my own heart.
Reaching out for help is hard. Really hard. It's especially hard for me because I grew up believing that the only person I could depend on was myself. Because of that, it takes a lot of psyching myself up before I can get the courage to ask someone for help, especially if it has to do with any of the big hurts in my life- the sexual abuse in my childhood, the situation with my mom, and my depression. Of course, in taking great risks comes great blessings as I have gotten some wonderful support when I've reached out to others. There are those, of course, that say hurtful things and make me wish I hadn't said anything at all, but overall, I have been beyond blessed by those who have come alongside to help me bear my burdens. However, it takes a lot on their part to walk beside me and be my friend during my difficult times. I've learned over time which friends I can talk to about which issues and although I really only have one friend I can talk to freely about all the issues in my life, I consider myself blessed because some people don't have even that one friend.
So, I will continue to walk life's journey asking this question, "Will you help me get from here to there?" Thank you to the friends already in my life who are helping me along the journey and thank you in advance to all those who will come in the future.
Hey, Angie, I'm praying with you through the impending storm. It seems like you just keep having to look over your shoulder to keep it at bay. That may not be it at all, and I don't mean to be cliche, but I'm praying you keep looking forward. I also TRULY believe that God created us to be in relationship with each other. I absolutely know how hard it is to reach out to others, it's so hard for me, but I encourage you to keep reaching out and I'm praying specifically that more reach out to you. Again, praying through it with you. Praying God wins over the storm. I know it's so hard. Much, much grace and peace to you, friend.
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