Read Angie's Thoughts

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." ~ Genesis 50:20 All of my tattoos have special meanings to me. My first tattoo was the word 'shadows' from a the lyrics of a song I heard only one time - "Shadows prove the sunshine." My second tattoo were the words spoken a few years ago by a dear sister in Christ as she live out her final days with cancer - "He loves us best." This week I got my third, ;50.20, and it holds more meaning than the others. In recent days God has given me the opportunity to really share my heart with a sister in Christ from my church and in return, she has shared hers with me. In sharing the struggles she has faced walking her own faith journey, she has opened my eyes to an issue I didn't realize I still struggle with regarding the traumas in my childhood - my thought process. The negative thoughts resulting from the abuse at the hands

I was mad at you yesterday. I'm still mad today. It's amazing to me that I can go days and weeks without even thinking about you and then BAM! Something happens like it did yesterday and I find myself furious at you and all you took from me. Do you know I can't even go to a simple doctor's appointment without thinking about what you did to me? The doctor can't even suggest an exam without my body filling with fear, dread, and shame. You took that from me. Your touch didn't leave physical scars but man, they sure left emotional ones that still affect me to the core of my being today. Did you know that? Did you even think about that all those years ago when you came to me for the first time with those thoughts in your head?? Did you? It's not just you I get angry at. I'm angry with myself. I'm mad that this still affects me the way it does. I'm 36 years old today and the abuse ended more than 25 years ago but it still gets to me. Do you know how