Read Angie's Thoughts

I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions and I'm not about to start now! However, I have been doing some thinking the past few days and have come up with some goals I'd like to set my sights on for 2018. They include... - finding a new church family. It's been a long time since I was excited about going to church and that needs to change. A fresh start is much needed and I'm excited to see where God leads. - being more content with where God has placed me as far as my jobs go. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kiddos and I love their parents so much. I look forward to working each day and I know I am blessed in being able to say that. Sometimes I wonder if said parents think I'm a little odd for loving their little ones as much as I do, but being a single gal without family of my own, they have become my family and I miss them when they're not around. I want to be more content and trusting when it comes to the financial aspect of my jobs. G

1. My relationship with Jesus Christ - so many days I want to just give up and give in but the hope and promise of eternity with Him sustains me 2. My dad - always willing to go the extra mile for me and my brothers 3. Mark - great to be in touch with him again 4. My niece Lilly - I love that Jelly Bean with my whole heart 5. Bryan and Kris -  for creating Lilly and loving her well 6. My pup Ella Irene - so many laughs and cuddles with that girl 7. Lola and Bruce Jenner - two cats on completely opposite ends of the spectrum but each brings joy to my life and my home 8. My grandma Judy - thankful for all the love and laughter she brings with her advice and her stories 9. Sheryl - so glad God is in the business of restoring friendships 10. Carol - I will forever treasure her wisdom and loving support in all areas of my life 11. Beckie - breakfasts with her at the Trailhead are my favorite 12. Eowyn - this baby girl brings so much love and fun into my world. Spending my days wi

"Your story could be the key that unlocks someone else's prison. Don't be afraid to share it." ~ Tobymac      This quote speaks to the very core of my soul and it is the true cry of my heart. Why else must we endure such incredibly painful hardships this side of heaven? If we don't share our experiences with others, we are not only hurting those who could be helped or encouraged by them, but we are also failing to heed God's command to bear one another's burdens. You may never know someone is struggling with something unless you tell your story first and in doing so, your act of courage frees them from the chains that have been holding them captive. This quote is exactly why I keep writing my blog and sharing my story. If it helps just one person, it will have all been worth it. In the last month or so, I have found my own experiences with abuse in the forefront of my mind. Usually when this happens, I find that God is bringing up a particular

Lately I've been thinking a lot about God's timing and the way it has played out in my life. One of my favorite things to do is look back on my life and see how each event happened at just the right time so that something else could happen. I love to see the handiwork of my God played out in His time. It's harder, though, when you're in the midst of a season when God's timing seems, well, off. I'm there now and it has been so difficult. A year ago, a friend told me she was moving away and my heart was broken. This friendship was relatively new, but one of those where we just clicked and our friendship was instantly easy and comfortable. I couldn't understand why in the world God would call this friend away when I was just starting to get to know her. Add to that the interesting twist in the whole situation - this friend and her family had attended my church for two years before she popped up on my radar. Two years ! Our church is not that big people! I alw

God has richly blessed my life with people who have been spiritual parents in my faith - guiding and leading me down the narrow path I have chosen to walk. They live out their faith in their words and actions every day - owning up to their mistakes, serving Christ even when it's hard, and trusting in His plan even when it doesn't make any sense. They are who I want to be when I grow up. That's not to say I have always realized their value in my life. There was a time when one particular couple spoke a truth into my life but it's only as I've gotten older that I've valued those words. At the time, I was angry and thought they were being calloused and very unkind. I was in college, either my first or second year. I was up to my ears in the mud and mire of dealing with the affects of being sexually abused as a child. I was in counseling and facing some very painful truths in my life and the lives of others. I had held in and struggled with so much from the ages

A year ago, I believed I had found my dream job. I was going to be a case manager for adults with developmental disabilities and I was over the moon excited! For various reasons that you can read about here , I left that job in November. Since then, my life has taken a few turns I never saw coming but were totally arranged by God. A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a friend who is moving away. We were talking about how hard it is to trust God has something better when it seems you're leaving something pretty close to perfect behind. This was a struggle I can definitely relate to. Around this time last year, I began getting to know a lady from my church better and we became fast friends. Pretty soon I was going over to her house almost daily as we shared our hearts and many laughs. I had longed for a close friendship like this for years and was excited God seemed to finally answer those prayers. I have a lot of friends but not many I truly feel comfortable sharing my whole s

I'm a little dense when it comes to God opening a door for me to walk through. I admit it. Sometimes I'm down right dumb about it. Take my job at Trinity for example. The summer a good friend told me they were hiring an aide, I was working at Pony Espresso and I said these exact words to her, "Nah, I think I could become manager at Pony so I'll stay there." Manager at a coffee shop rather than working in a Christian school...really Angie? Thankfully God moved me out of my own way and I applied for the job and got it. When I was hired, it was a one year position and when February rolled around, my boss asked if I would consider sticking around another year. Again, I foolishly opened my mouth and said something to the effect of, 'Nope. You said it was for one year and after this, I'm moving on." *Slap my head* Again, God graciously moved me out of my own way and I said yes to another year. My time at Trinity totaled 7 years and I loved it so much. It wa

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." ~ Genesis 50:20 All of my tattoos have special meanings to me. My first tattoo was the word 'shadows' from a the lyrics of a song I heard only one time - "Shadows prove the sunshine." My second tattoo were the words spoken a few years ago by a dear sister in Christ as she live out her final days with cancer - "He loves us best." This week I got my third, ;50.20, and it holds more meaning than the others. In recent days God has given me the opportunity to really share my heart with a sister in Christ from my church and in return, she has shared hers with me. In sharing the struggles she has faced walking her own faith journey, she has opened my eyes to an issue I didn't realize I still struggle with regarding the traumas in my childhood - my thought process. The negative thoughts resulting from the abuse at the hands

I was mad at you yesterday. I'm still mad today. It's amazing to me that I can go days and weeks without even thinking about you and then BAM! Something happens like it did yesterday and I find myself furious at you and all you took from me. Do you know I can't even go to a simple doctor's appointment without thinking about what you did to me? The doctor can't even suggest an exam without my body filling with fear, dread, and shame. You took that from me. Your touch didn't leave physical scars but man, they sure left emotional ones that still affect me to the core of my being today. Did you know that? Did you even think about that all those years ago when you came to me for the first time with those thoughts in your head?? Did you? It's not just you I get angry at. I'm angry with myself. I'm mad that this still affects me the way it does. I'm 36 years old today and the abuse ended more than 25 years ago but it still gets to me. Do you know how

This blog will be short, sweet and, hopefully, to the point! When an abuse survivor shares any detail of their story and experience with you, no matter how small or how trivial you may think it is, please say something. Say anything. I still carry shame around with me concerning the things that happened to my body and when I trust someone enough to say something, getting silence in return is painfully brutal. I'm already thinking the very worst about myself and in your silence, I believe you are thinking the same things too - " That happened to her?? Ew." "She didn't do anything to stop it?" I need to know that we're still okay, that you still love me and see me as the woman you saw me as before. I've had many people email or write me to share their experiences and even if I can't respond as thoroughly as I would like to at the time, I always send a little message that thanks them for sharing and tells them I still love them and will respond

I had lunch with a friend recently, a gal I can truly appreciate. We are close in age, both single, and both unsure of what God has in store for us, even now in our late 30s. While talking about jobs and family, she gazed off in the distance and spoke these 9 simple words, "I just thought I'd be so much farther by now." Her voice was filled with sadness and so much discouragement, I just wanted to weep with her. I've thought that same thing so many times in recent months and it's a hard place to be. My life hasn't turned out the way I thought it would. The hopes and dreams I had in college (since becoming a Christian) have never come to pass and while I've enjoyed the journey God has taken me on over the years, I can't help but wonder if I missed a turn somewhere. There are many days Satan tries to convince me that my lot in life is pretty worthless and that anyone could easily take my place if I weren't here. Sure, I teach children's churc