Read Angie's Thoughts

Several years ago, a friend posted a blog of 100 things she was thankful for around Thanksgiving. I thought it was a great idea and followed suit. In the years that followed, it was fun to read her list and her comments on mine. While that friend has since walked away from our friendship, I will continue on with our tradition of 100 things I am thankful for and pray that it won't be too long before I am reading her list again too. So, here it goes... 1) My relationship with, and faith in, Jesus Christ - His gift of forgiveness and salvation 20 years ago saved my life and has made ever year since then worth living. 2) My church family - the authentic love I have received from the people at Cornerstone Community Church has brought so much joy to my world. 3) My dad - always there when I need help with this whole 'grownup' gig 4) Mark - watching my little brother become a dad this past year has been amazing. He jumped in head first and has been 100% committed ever since.

"Sometimes you just need to talk about it - not to get sympathy or help, but just to kill its power by allowing the truth of things to hit the air." ~ Karen Salmansohn       In my  previous blog, I mentioned my struggles with feeling as though life - and God - had forgotten me as my prayers seemingly go unanswered. I didn't share what those prayers were because, honestly, there was great vulnerability in the words and the thought of typing them and trying to explain was extremely daunting. As a source of deep hurt within my heart, there was hesitation in bringing them into the light. After reading the blog, a friend asked how she could pray specifically and I made the decision to try and give words to this hurt. As I sent the text, I felt a weight being lifted off my chest and found I was able to breathe a little easier. A few days before, another friend had asked how she could pray for me so I decided to share it with her too. Again, my burden grew lighter. I

A friend asked me yesterday if I had been doing any writing lately and my answer was no. I like to have my issues/struggles 'solved' and wrapped in a nice little package with a colorful bow before I present them to the world. Why? Beats me! That's not being real which, if you know me, is something I strongly believe in. So here it is: I'm struggling. Big Time. We've been studying the book of Genesis in the ladies Bible study I attend and I feel a bit like Leah - unwanted and forgotten - by life and, frankly, by God. So many of my friends are experiencing big life changes, things they have prayed so long and so hard for, while my own prayers seem to go unanswered. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bitter some days because it can be a hard pill to swallow. I am beyond happy for my friends and look forward to celebrating with them in the months and years to come, I truly am, but that doesn't lessen the sting of my own wounds. I don't have an

Regret. A relatively small word with big implications that I've been pondering a lot the past several weeks. A series of miscommunications and misinterpretations in conversations with a friend left me with a severely wounded heart and a profound sense of regret. I found myself in the midst of a deep valley and I longed for the day I could look back from the other side and see things from a more intellectual, and less emotional, perspective. I tend to have big feelings, which isn't always a good thing, and it can take some time to work through them and find some sense of peace. The dictionary defines regret as "a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done." In the days and weeks after the shift in the friendship mentioned above, I would often lay in bed at night, trying to find sleep amongst the tears and the deep longing to go back and change things...to do things different and make better choices. Although forgiv

Twenty years ago, President Bill Clinton was acquitted and cleared in his impeachment trial. Two high school schoolers walked into their school and let loose a barrage of gunfire, killing 12 of their peers and one teacher. West Nile first appeared in the U.S. and Barbie turned 40. Even more importantly, my life changed completely 20 years ago when I gave my life to Christ. It was the week before I graduated high school and I met with a local pastor at his church on a Monday morning. For the first time, I heard about needing a relationship with Christ to become a Christian and that just going to church and trying to be a good person wasn't enough. Throughout my four years of high school, I attended Fellowship of Christian Athletes and it was there that I believe the foundation of faith was set and the ground work was laid. The pastor I met with helped to fill in the blanks and answered the many questions I had. One thing he told me that I have always respected him for was that the

A recent conversation with a friend has prompted a trip down memory lane...10 years ago to be exact. I was in my first year of teaching at Trinity Lutheran School after being an aide for three years and I LOVED it. I had a fantastic group of kids, supportive parents, and worked with staff that were practically family. I was making more money than I ever had before, I had friends, a quaint little house with a cute little puppy and life was good. At least from the outside. Inside, I was discouraged ALL the time. I was often on the verge of tears during the day with my students but hid them behind a smile until I was home alone in the evening. There was a heaviness sitting on my shoulders that I couldn't shake, no matter how hard I tried, and I was tired. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I remember laying in bed at night, sobbing, as I reasoned that this world would be better without me in it. I cut often as a way to deal with the pain. This morning in my Bible study, we read

The things you did filled me with shame, Tales of such horror I can’t even name. The fear keeps me quiet, unable to speak, But deep down inside, it’s making me weak. It amazes me still, this power you hold, I thought it had ended the night that I told. I’m filled with such shame and even more guilt, Can’t climb over the walls of blame I have built. I can’t find the words to explain how I feel, I only know these feelings are so very real. (Written in 2001)     Several years ago, a former teacher/coach from high school came and did the devotion for the Christian group I was a part of in college. I don't remember most of what he said but one thing has stuck with me all these years. He mentioned shame and being ashamed and what the difference was - shame is being embarrassed or humiliated by something you did while being ashamed is being disgusted or humiliated by something you are (or believe yourself to be).   After being sexually abused as a child,

"But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul." ~ Deuteronomy 4:29 Dear L and R, I think about each of you often, I wish you knew that. There are times my heart literally aches as I think about our talks - the laughter, the tears, the wisdom shared, the frustrations vented, those issues we never imagined we could give voice to. God brought each of you into my life at the times I needed you most. L - My eyes tear up as I think about God crossing our paths. I needed your friendship, love and support more than I would ever know when we met that day in the online support group for survivors of sexual abuse. I had just started to walk that journey of dealing with, and healing from, all those issues that had existed since I was a very little girl. I was scared, confused, angry and so incredibly desperate for peace from all that seemed to consume me. I think we met before I even came to know the Lo

One of the greatest perks of going to a new church has been the amazing new friends God has brought across my path. These women of God have loved me, encouraged me, cried with me, and just blessed my heart in ways they will never know. I don't know why it amazes me so much to find like-minded sisters who share many of the same struggles I do, but I am blown away all the same. Finding a friend that 'gets' me is a rare find and I have been blessed with a few of them along the way.   The week before Christmas, I put in an application for a dog at a local shelter that I fell in love with and wanted so badly. A few mornings later I woke up to an email saying the dog was adopted by another family. To say I was bummed was a huge understatement. That age old mantra, "This just means God has something better for me" kept running through my head but it did nothing to ease my heartache. As I was sitting for a minute before starting my day, I thought to myself, "Wai

How can it be 2019 already?? May will mark twenty years since I gave my life to Christ and started on an incredible journey full of valleys, peaks, and indescribable joy! 20 years!! It will also mark 20 years since I graduated from high school. Gulp...I think that means I'm old or well on my way to it?! As I have reflected on 2018 over the past few days, I have been reminded of how faithful and wonderful my God is. There were many highs and many lows and it seemed to all go by in just the blink of an eye. Why can't time slow down just a smidge? Last year I made some goals for the new year and I took a look back at them this evening... *finding a new church family*  You guys, I met this goal in a huge way. I began attending Cornerstone Community Church last January and thanks to some sweet women who welcomed me with hug and smiles that first Sunday day, I went back the next and then the next until I knew I had found a new church family. I have never worshipped and  been in f