Regret
Regret. A relatively small word with big implications that I've been pondering a lot the past several weeks. A series of miscommunications and misinterpretations in conversations with a friend left me with a severely wounded heart and a profound sense of regret. I found myself in the midst of a deep valley and I longed for the day I could look back from the other side and see things from a more intellectual, and less emotional, perspective. I tend to have big feelings, which isn't always a good thing, and it can take some time to work through them and find some sense of peace.
The dictionary defines regret as "a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done." In the days and weeks after the shift in the friendship mentioned above, I would often lay in bed at night, trying to find sleep amongst the tears and the deep longing to go back and change things...to do things different and make better choices. Although forgiveness was asked and granted on both sides, I would repeat over and over to God how sorry I was as if, by some chance, I could be sorry enough to change the outcome.
In those moments, I would think of others who experienced great times of regret. Take Peter for example. This guy walked and talked with Jesus during His ministry on earth. He had an intimate friendship with the Son of God and a front row seat to all of the miracles and teachings of Christ. But when Christ was arrested and taken away, Peter denied even knowing who Jesus was. Not once. Not even twice, but THREE times! The Bible says that after the third time, Peter walked away and wept bitterly. Having cried some of those bitter tears myself, I wondered if Peter felt that familiar longing of wanting to go back and change things. I imagine he felt that heaviness and desperation of knowing he had just messed up something so badly. Oh, the relief he must have experienced when Jesus appeared to him after rising from the dead! His friend not only forgave him, but loved him.
Or take David. A little shepherd boy who became a mighty king and had the world at his fingertips. Anything he wanted could be his with just a snap of his finger, even a beautiful woman named Bathsheba. So he took her for his own, resulting in the death of two others completely innocent in the ordeal - Bathsheba's husband and David and Bathsheba's baby boy. Talk about weeping bitter tears! I can't imagine the regret he must have felt once he realized his sin and all the repercussions it caused and yet God still called David a man after his own heart. What a beautiful example of God's redeeming and unconditional love for all of us!
Another example hits closer to home. A little over a year ago, a good friend's 20 year old son was accidentally shot and killed by his best friend. As the days, weeks, and months have passed since that devastating night, the sense of regret his friend must experience seems insurmountable. As he sits in his prison cell, does he relive those final hours and minutes over and over, wanting to change just one detail that would have caused the night to turn out so differently? No matter how sorry he is, nothing can bring back his best friend and take back all the hurt and pain his death caused. What a heavy weight to carry for the rest of his life.
When we do experience that deep sense of regret over our actions and that bone aching sense of being sorry, where do we take it? To the cross. Psalm 51:17 says "The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God." Am I repentant over what happened? You bet I am. Is my heart broken? Some days, it still stings pretty good, yes. Does God forgive? Most definitely. So I walk forward with hard lessons learned and desire to do differently next time. But what about when Satan tries to throw it back in my face (which is he is famous for doing)? I'll just turn my eyes once again to the cross, knowing my Jesus has already won that battle.
The dictionary defines regret as "a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done." In the days and weeks after the shift in the friendship mentioned above, I would often lay in bed at night, trying to find sleep amongst the tears and the deep longing to go back and change things...to do things different and make better choices. Although forgiveness was asked and granted on both sides, I would repeat over and over to God how sorry I was as if, by some chance, I could be sorry enough to change the outcome.
In those moments, I would think of others who experienced great times of regret. Take Peter for example. This guy walked and talked with Jesus during His ministry on earth. He had an intimate friendship with the Son of God and a front row seat to all of the miracles and teachings of Christ. But when Christ was arrested and taken away, Peter denied even knowing who Jesus was. Not once. Not even twice, but THREE times! The Bible says that after the third time, Peter walked away and wept bitterly. Having cried some of those bitter tears myself, I wondered if Peter felt that familiar longing of wanting to go back and change things. I imagine he felt that heaviness and desperation of knowing he had just messed up something so badly. Oh, the relief he must have experienced when Jesus appeared to him after rising from the dead! His friend not only forgave him, but loved him.
Or take David. A little shepherd boy who became a mighty king and had the world at his fingertips. Anything he wanted could be his with just a snap of his finger, even a beautiful woman named Bathsheba. So he took her for his own, resulting in the death of two others completely innocent in the ordeal - Bathsheba's husband and David and Bathsheba's baby boy. Talk about weeping bitter tears! I can't imagine the regret he must have felt once he realized his sin and all the repercussions it caused and yet God still called David a man after his own heart. What a beautiful example of God's redeeming and unconditional love for all of us!
Another example hits closer to home. A little over a year ago, a good friend's 20 year old son was accidentally shot and killed by his best friend. As the days, weeks, and months have passed since that devastating night, the sense of regret his friend must experience seems insurmountable. As he sits in his prison cell, does he relive those final hours and minutes over and over, wanting to change just one detail that would have caused the night to turn out so differently? No matter how sorry he is, nothing can bring back his best friend and take back all the hurt and pain his death caused. What a heavy weight to carry for the rest of his life.
When we do experience that deep sense of regret over our actions and that bone aching sense of being sorry, where do we take it? To the cross. Psalm 51:17 says "The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God." Am I repentant over what happened? You bet I am. Is my heart broken? Some days, it still stings pretty good, yes. Does God forgive? Most definitely. So I walk forward with hard lessons learned and desire to do differently next time. But what about when Satan tries to throw it back in my face (which is he is famous for doing)? I'll just turn my eyes once again to the cross, knowing my Jesus has already won that battle.
Comments
Post a Comment