Read Angie's Thoughts

Depression. No, scrap that. Major depression. It's been over twelve years since I was given this diagnosis. After a very thorough exam, my amazing Christian doctor came to this conclusion, and I started meds right away. Once we got the dose right, I could definitely tell a difference. After living in such a dark place for so long, it was a blessing to have some relief and start to see the goodness in life again. That little tan pill was a lifesaver! Over the past several weeks, however, I have tapered myself off the meds. The decision to do so didn't come lightly. I had considered a few times before, but it seemed life would get crazy or sad or confusing and I would be glad I stayed on them. Recently, however, I started to wonder if some of the more 'positive' emotions of life were being muted. During the process of publishing my book this past year, I had a lot of people ask if I was excited. I mean, I was in awe that it was finally happening and amazed at how quick it

Exactly 5 years ago this week, I started watching a 7 month old in my home. What I had believed was my dream job had fallen through and a friend who had been watching her was moving away. I called the mom and offered to watch her until, and I didn't say this to her, something better came along. God laughed, that little girl stole my heart, and my llama wrangling days began! Shortly after that little girl turned one, I added three more llamas from other family to the herd and though my days were busy and crazy, I loved every minute of them. Around that time, I got a phone call and a job offer that only a handful of months earlier would have sounded an awful lot like that better job I was waiting to come along. I had absolutely no regrets when I turned it down and I realized I was already had my dream job! A lot has changed over these past 5 years. My starter llama is now a big sister twice over and both new llamas have added much joy and laughter to my days. The job with the three l

Here are 100 things I am thankful for this year in no particular order! 1) My Lord and Savior - this walk of faith has taken me places I never would have imagined - or hoped - but my God is so thankful every step of the way 2) My dad - he loves me well and loves my llamas well too 3) Dusty Grace - you are definitely Nana Dog to my llamas and are so patient with all their antics, especially when they crawl on you or use you as a stepstool 4) Katy Joy - You are turning into a good little pup! You follow the llamas everywhere and are so protective over them 5) Lola - a couple of times I have thought you were getting close to the end of your time with me but then I see you running and frolicking in a nearby field and my heart smiles  6) Bruce Jenner - you are so patient with Katy but definitely put her in her place when she gets too rough 7) This house I get to live in - I have loved having lots more room and the llamas have settled in well 8) My church family - I am welcomed with hugs and

Vulnerability. Does anyone actually enjoy being vulnerable? I most certainly do not. Not even a little. My past is full of instances I let my guard down and was vulnerable with someone only to have that vulnerability taken advantage of or thrown back in my face. I'm sure most, if not everyone, can relate. There is something so devastating about letting someone into the most intimate, painful, and scary parts of our hearts only to have it used against us or ignored. I am learning, however, that true healing and freedom from those hard places of our lives can only be found in being vulnerable and putting yourself out there. That's why I write this blog. It's scary as heck to put myself out there but I cling to the hope that if just one  person can relate or has ever been in the same boat, then the exposure is worth it.  In the Bible study I am doing at my church, the past couple of  weeks have been about hurts, experiences, and longings familiar to a woman's heart. Marria

 This October will mark 30 years since the abuse at the hands of my grandfather ended. Thirty years and I truly believe I am free from the effects of his actions. Sure, the abuse is always there but it doesn't consume me. It's just part of my life. Very rarely, however, what happened to me rears its ugly head and feels like a literal punch in the gut. Today was one of those days.  Since the release of my book, I have gotten incredible support and encouragement from (almost) every one who has read it. As of this afternoon, Amazon only had one copy left of this first batch that were published! As wonderful as it has been to hear the reactions of the family and friends who have read it, my heart is anxious for my book to get into the hands of survivors. My heart's cry throughout the entire publishing process has been for my story, my poems - my heart - to point others to the healing and peace that only comes through Jesus. Trusting Jesus with this piece of the journey has been

The ladies Bible study group at my church recently finished the study Finding I Am by Lysa TerKeurst. I have admired her writing and studies for awhile now, she always seems to know the words my heart needs to hear. She has faced similar hardships in her life that I have and her perspective, as well as the way she always points all things back to Jesus, is so encouraging and inspiring. This study definitely didn't disappoint! Something she wrote about has stuck with me in the weeks since we finished the study, a resonating theme in my own life. She talked about holding out the little cup of her heart and asking others to fill it up - her husband, her kids, her ministry - will they say or do something to make her feel like the best wife/mom in the world? Will her ministry make her feel important and significant? She looks to others to fill a vessel that only God can fill, and ends up disappointed and empty every time.  I've been holding out my own little cup for as long as I'

Some weeks are just plain harder than others. Last week was one of those weeks. I had the opportunity to share some of my past with the women in my Bible study group, some of whom I have known for a few years and some I have gotten to know over the past handful of weeks. Do I trust them? Yes. Enough to share the hard things? I sure thought so. We had been studying the I AM statements Jesus made in the New Testament and as the study came to an end, we were taking turns going around the table and talking about which statement was our favorite or meant the most to us. For me it was His saying "I am the gate for the sheep." In our study, we learned that this was a reference to shepherds literally laying their bodies at the entrance to the sheep pen to keep predators from getting in. What a powerful image that is for this little girl who grew up feeling so unsafe, and still struggles at times with feeling protected. As I shared with the group, I started with saying, "As some

A lot of people make resolutions at the beginning of a new year or choose a word to focus on and apply to their lives over the next 12 months. I've never been one to do either but I have been thinking back over the crazy unprecedented year that was 2020.  It was a hard year for so many. Covid hit just a couple months in and reeked havoc on all of us. While I wasn't affected as much as others, I did have petsitting jobs cancelled that affected me financially and lost one of my childcare jobs suddenly, although that was more of an emotional hit than anything else. I've never liked goodbyes or endings, and unexpected ones are especially hard. Family members faced unexpected and serious health issues, friends lost jobs that they never got back, and a friend of mine literally disappeared from my life overnight. Yes, 2020 was a doozy for sure! Mixed in with all the hard, however, was so much joy and good news. My littlest llama was born this summer and joined her big sisters in m