Read Angie's Thoughts

I wasn't going to write this blog this year because I had something different in mind, but a friend told me this evening that she went looking for the blog this morning so here goes... 1) My Savior. It's been a crazy 6 months in my world, with many changes, but He has proven Himself so very faithful. He continues to prepare His way before me and I pray I can be just as faithful to Him and His calling on my life. 2) My dad. He's my rock and supports me in every career move, silly antic, and random conundrum I find myself in. 3) My Ryan Joe. Gosh, I love him so very much and it's been so fun to watch him grow. 4) My church family 5) Old friends 6) New friends 7) Living in a country where the people are allowed to choose their leaders 8) Thanksgiving dinner - will always be my favorite meal all year long 9) My friend Robbi. Even though our friendship seemed brief because she's now moving to Florida, I found a true sister in faith. 10) Ryan's mom Kristen.

Have you ever had one of those days when you lay down to sleep at night and find that your world is completely flipped upside down from the one you woke up to that same morning? That has been the story of my life the past few days. I'm sure there will be many questions to come so I will try answer them all here. :-) Back in July, I found out about a program in Riverton called Bridges Habilitation. They offered three services to the community - Case Management, Wrap Around (helping families with kids that are mentally ill), and Positive Paths (a skills program therapy where developmentally disabled adults  come during the day to learn skills to better their lives). I got hired on part time at the end of July and then full-time September 1st to be a case manager. I honestly had no idea such a job existed and was so excited to get to help those that our society often deem as the 'least of these.' It would take several weeks for my case worker certification to get approved so

*SIGH* I've never been good at saying goodbye. Never. Even as a little girl, it was hard. Brutal even. And I honestly can't tell you why. I just know they are hard...and I hate them. A lot. When I was little, I would spend some time with my mom in the summers. After not seeing her all year, the build up to a trip to see her was so exciting. I loved every minute with her and the time always seemed to go by too quickly. When the day came to leave, I would begin crying the moment my eyes opened. By the time we got to the airport, I would be a mess, hating what was about to come. My mom always told me I needed to stop crying, that someone might see me in my emotional state and take advantage of me, but I just couldn't and the more I tried to stop, the faster the tears fell and the harder the sobs came. Even today, trying to make myself stop crying only makes it worse. When the time came for me to board the plane, my mind would tell my feet to keep putting one foot  in front o

I'm really good at pretending. Pretending that things don't hurt me. So good, in fact, that it annoys me at times. Where did such a talent, and a curse, come from? Maybe from enduring abuse at the hands of my grandfather without any trace of emotion on my face so he didn't know how humiliated and ashamed I was? Maybe from hearing negative comments about my mom from my dad and step-mom as I was growing up, feeling that they were somehow putting me down because she was a part of me? Maybe after listening to the hurtful comments my mom made about my period once in my early teenage years, as if I wasn't already mortified at the changes happening with my body? Wherever this ability came from, it hasn't always served me well. Along with pretending that the actions and words of others don't hurt me, I have developed this coping mechanism of becoming angry instead. Several years ago, I was talking to a friend about something that had happened over the weekend. My feel

I was a little surprised to realize that I already had a blog with this title and it saddens me to know that the hurts are just as strong today as they were when I wrote that first blog in September of 2011 ( http://readangiesthoughts.blogspot.com/2011/09/what-hurts-most.html ). Like I mentioned in that blog, many aspects and effects of my childhood abuse at the hands of my grandfather are long gone. Gone is the anger, the bitterness, and I'm happy to report, some of the shame. Gone are the days when the abuse seemed to haunt my every waking thought and I can only credit that to my faith and relationship with the Great Healer, my God. He has brought healing and restoration I never dreamed possible and I am so very thankful for that. There is a lingering hurt though, one that I fear will last until I see the Lord face to face. We were created to be in relationships and in God's perfect plan, the most loving relationships would be with those we were born into. Aunts, uncles,

In a sermon I heard once, the pastor said that contrary to what most people think, sin was not the first problem in the Bible. The first chapter of Genesis tells us the account of creation, ending every couple of days with the phrase, "and God saw that it was good." Then we move on to chapter 2, where sin and Satan enter the picture but if you look early in the book, at verse 18, it says, "The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” There it is...the first problem in the eyes of God. It was not good for man to be alone. We were created for relationships. I, myself, am in a number of relationships. I am a beloved daughter to the King of Kings. I am a daughter to my father. I am a sister to my brothers. I am an aunt to my nieces and nephew. I am a granddaughter to my grandma. I am a friend to countless friends. I am an Eegee to my Ryan Joe. I am a teacher to many children on Sunday mornings. I am a helper to many

I got the news yesterday that my grandma Nancy had died. At first, I was okay, thinking it was no big deal. After all, I hadn't seen her since I was 20 years old and it had been several years before that since I had talked to her on the phone. I continued on with my day and went about my work but after a few minutes of sitting and letting the new sink in, I was overwhelmed with emotion and tears and I left work to go home. Like many others in my family, I shed many tears yesterday. However, my tears were not of sadness because she was gone and I was going to miss her, they were tears of anger stemming from a broken heart filled with questions, bitterness, and a longing beyond words. This grandma was the wife of the grandfather that molested me for seven years when I was a little girl. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents when my dad was working but I don't remember too much about her from those early years. Although she was the only mother figure I had during that tim