Read Angie's Thoughts

I'm spending the final hours of 2014 with a heavy heart and tears rolling down my cheeks. It's hard to look back at this past year in it's entirety when the past few days have been full of hard and painful stuff. Many deaths have hit our community in recent days, some people I've know and others I haven't, and hearts are weary. A woman I've never met but is part of the Scentsy community lost her precious baby boy days after he was born prematurely. A well-known man from my hometown lost his wife after many years of illness. A friend from Trinity said good-bye to her mom on Christmas Eve and although her mom had lived a long and fruitful life, my friend is still heartbroken. The death that has hit me more than the others, though, is that of my dear friend Linda Howerton. Linda was diagnosed with an incurable form of cancer a year and a half ago and when she came home to live out her final days, I wrote this blog wondering how in the world I would ever say good

Some heavy thoughts and painful realizations have got me to the place of writing this blog. It started with a post on FB about some friendships followed by a talk on the phone with a good friend and sister in Christ. She told me something that has stuck with me for days, something I have struggled with in most of my 33 years and probably will continue to struggle with for the next 33... "You are worth more than bones." This came from a conversation about a friendship I'm struggling with. This friend and I seem to have drifted apart over the past few years and while that breaks my heart, I realize friends come into our lives for different season and reasons. My season with this friend is coming to an end and I am beyond thankful for the years we were close as she was such a blessing and inspiration in my life. I've always had a low self-esteem. Always. I think it comes from the abuse I endured as a child as well as growing up without a mom around. I've never

Each year I sit down and do a list of 100 things I'm thankful for. Here goes... 1) My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who loves me more than I'll ever know 2) My health 3) Ryan Joe McClelland - the boy I get to spend most of my days with 4) My dad - love him! 5) My brother Bryan - this being friends as adults thing isn't so bad... 6) My brother Mark 7) My (might as well be) sister-in-law Kris 8) My niece Lilly 9) My best friend Cassey - God has allowed us to restore a friendship this past year and it's been such a blessing 10) My nephew Noah - love how he calls me Auntie Angie 11) My niece Sydni 12) My best friend Amy - distance hasn't stopped us from being friends and I look forward to seeing where God sends her family in the coming months 13) My nephew Peyton 14) My niece Lola 15) My niece Clara 16) My Maggie - the best dog a girl could ask for 17) My cats Lola and Frankie - they keep life interesting! 18) Ryan's mom Kristen

At this time two years ago, I was without a job and waiting to see what God had in store. I had been done with my job at Trinity for a few months and after a summer and fall of looking for a job, I was frustrated with God and wondered what in the world He was doing. I remember even telling Him at one point, "If you took me away from Trinity - a job I LOVED - just so I can be a cashier at Walmart, we're going to have some problems!" In April when I knew my job at Trinity was coming to an end, I was confident that God had something even better in store for me. I clung to that hope in the months to come but by November, I was starting to wonder. One afternoon I was doing some odd jobs for a pet-sitting client when she called to tell me about a job possibility. A family at her church was looking for a nanny for their 18 month old. I was excited until she mentioned that I would be working two weeks on, two weeks off as the husband worked in the oil field. Immediately I

Throughout my life, God has blessed me with many women who have, in their own ways, stood in the gap when I needed a mom and my own wasn't there. Women old enough to be my grandma and women young enough to be my sister...they've all played a special part in guiding, nurturing and loving me the way a mom should. One such lady is fighting a battle with incurable cancer and unfortunately, the cancer is winning. She has stopped treatments and will be spending her final days at home and with her family. I've not been able to stop the tears from falling since I heard this news. I once heard a person say this woman has more compassion in the tip of her pinkie finger than most people have in their entire beings. I couldn't agree more. I keep pleading with God, telling Him there are so many others here on earth that need her love, her encouragement, her gentle spirit. She has a husband that needs her companionship, children that need her guidance, grandchildren that need her s

Recently I was driving home from work listening to KLOV, which is the norm for the end of my work day, and suddenly the sounds of Christmas songs filled my car as they promoted a series of Christmas concerts featuring Christian artist. Immediately my heart sunk in my chest and I felt the all too familiar sense of sadness wash over me. It's here, I realized...The Holidays. For me, the true reason for Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ. I am more in awe every year at the idea of God sending His son as a baby to a young woman who only wanted to do His will. But Christmas is also about family, gifts, joy, get-togethers, parties, etc. I'm willing to bet most people would declare this time of the year as their favorite. For many others, myself included, it is all of that mixed with a whole lot of sadness and heartache. The holiday season is often a time of depression and loneliness for me and countless others. Don't get me wrong. I love spending the time with my fa

The title for this post came from a song by Wynonna Judd about a husband moving out after a divorce but it's a phrase that has run through my mind over and over in recent days. Is it over yet? Is this sin-filled, painful, unfair, complicated, horrifying world over yet? Lately I have been overwhelmed with sadness at all that is going on in the world - both overseas, locally, and personally... ~ wars in countries I can't even name over issues I can't explain ~ a wonderful woman of God whose only means of living right now is to try an experimental treatment of chemo ~ innocent people being beheaded in other countries just to settle as score or send a warning ~ children being damaged and mistreated by the words and/or actions of the very people who are supposed to love them and make them feel safe ~ diseases in far away countries that kill thousands without prejudice ~ wives and children suffering because their husband/father won't step up and be the man of God he

This blog has been churning in my heart for a couple weeks now, trying to work it's way into writing but my head keeps resisting. It's something I've written about before, more than once, and yet I can't seem to make peace with it. This issue brings out the worst in the way I talk to myself. I would never let another person say to me the things I say to myself when this issue is first and foremost at the front of my mind. Things like "Get over it! You're 33 for Pete's sake!" "No one cares!" "Move on already!" "No wonder people get tired of your issues!" "You're so stupid!" For real. These thoughts, and more, go through my head on a daily basis, especially when this issue rears its ugly head A-G-A-I-N! I would like to think I am making some progress, however, as this is the first time in awhile that I've anguished over such a simple statement: I just want a mom. A full-time, 24 hour a day, 365

We've had a couple of rainy days here lately and as I was driving home today, a double rainbow was front and center in my line of vision for more than 10 minutes. At first my thought "Thank you Lord! What a beautiful rainbow!" but within minutes, tears were streaming down my face and all I could say was, "Thank you Lord...thank you." I've never had this reaction to a rainbow before, usually I admire their beauty and think of my grandma (who LOVES rainbows!) and then my thoughts are on to other things. Not so today. As I was looking at the rainbow, I was thinking about the promise God gave when He created the first rainbow in the book of Genesis. God tells Noah He will never again flood the earth to the extent He just had - to the point that He told Noah to build an ark and any person or animal not on that ark was dead before the rain even stopped falling. The rainbow was a promise of God's faithfulness and mercy. Then my thoughts took me back far

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me." ~ Isaiah 6:8 While visiting my brother and his family in Arizona last week, I went to church on Saturday and heard a sermon that left me in tears. In a nutshell, the pastor was talking about how the church exists for those in the world that don't know Christ yet, not for the Christians who go to church. He asked the congregation if we knew why Christ hasn't returned yet and his response was, "Because there are still people who don't know Him!" Tears immediately filled my eyes as my heart cried out, "Lord, I want to go." In the summer of 2004, I spent seven weeks working in orphanages in India. I loved it. Recent I've been reflecting on that summer and I find myself wanting that joy and passion I experienced during that time. I can honestly say that those seven weeks, and the months of preparation leading up