Here Am I. Send Me.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me." ~ Isaiah 6:8
While visiting my brother and his family in Arizona last week, I went to church on Saturday and heard a sermon that left me in tears. In a nutshell, the pastor was talking about how the church exists for those in the world that don't know Christ yet, not for the Christians who go to church. He asked the congregation if we knew why Christ hasn't returned yet and his response was, "Because there are still people who don't know Him!" Tears immediately filled my eyes as my heart cried out, "Lord, I want to go."
In the summer of 2004, I spent seven weeks working in orphanages in India. I loved it. Recent I've been reflecting on that summer and I find myself wanting that joy and passion I experienced during that time. I can honestly say that those seven weeks, and the months of preparation leading up to, were the most I've ever felt in the center of God's will. I knew I was exactly where He wanted me and there is no better feeling in the world. That's not to say these last ten years have been wasted. I truly believe God put me at Trinity for seven wonderful years and I know beyond a doubt that God has given me nanny job I currently have. Now, however, I'm beginning to think these jobs have been work God called me to do while He's made me ready for something else. Something bigger. Something far away and distant. Something far reaching and long lasting. Something amazing.
All this is to say that I've begun to pray that God would show me if long-term foreign missions are in His plans for me. I will be honest in saying it's been scary to pray this for me. I have a life in Riverton that I absolutely love. I spend most days with an incredible little boy and I spend my Sunday mornings with my church family, including a Sunday School class that has come to mean so very much. I get to see my dad often and hanging out with him is always fun. Most importantly though, I have a dog and two cats that are like my children. Okay, so the cats I'm not as attached to, but Maggie is my constant companion. She goes everywhere with me and I can't imagine life without her. That's not to say I don't believe God can prepare my heart for a life without Maggie, because I know He is more than able, but even the thought of that is enough to break my heart. I guess it goes without saying that my prayers have also included that God would make my heart ready for all the good-byes I would have to say and all that I would be leaving behind.
After I shared this prayer request with my Sunday School class this morning, we were discussing the book of Genesis and I was asked why God would use me to work with orphans. Talk about humbled! Tears filled my eyes again (tears have been plentiful concerning this issue) and my response was, "I am willing...my own mom left when I was three so I have somewhat of a sense of what it means to be an orphan...and I love little kids." As I've continued to think about that question, I've come up with a couple more. I had a very painful childhood that left me feeling unloved and, at times, unwanted. Talk about the heart of an orphan! Another reason is that I've always felt called to work with children in some aspect. Every job I have had since high school has involved children. What better way to serve God's kingdom than to love those God is raising up to lead His people!
So I am asking you to pray. Please pray that God would speak very clearly, and loudly, to my heart concerning whether or not this is His will. Twice since my experience in India, I have tried to go on mission trips that I believed were of God but after much pain and suffering - literally - I realized those plans were more of my own doing and that I had convinced myself that He had given me His approval. I want this time to be different. If it's going to be real and authentic, it has to come from HIM and only HIM.
Thanks in advance for the prayers! I will keep you updated!!
While visiting my brother and his family in Arizona last week, I went to church on Saturday and heard a sermon that left me in tears. In a nutshell, the pastor was talking about how the church exists for those in the world that don't know Christ yet, not for the Christians who go to church. He asked the congregation if we knew why Christ hasn't returned yet and his response was, "Because there are still people who don't know Him!" Tears immediately filled my eyes as my heart cried out, "Lord, I want to go."
In the summer of 2004, I spent seven weeks working in orphanages in India. I loved it. Recent I've been reflecting on that summer and I find myself wanting that joy and passion I experienced during that time. I can honestly say that those seven weeks, and the months of preparation leading up to, were the most I've ever felt in the center of God's will. I knew I was exactly where He wanted me and there is no better feeling in the world. That's not to say these last ten years have been wasted. I truly believe God put me at Trinity for seven wonderful years and I know beyond a doubt that God has given me nanny job I currently have. Now, however, I'm beginning to think these jobs have been work God called me to do while He's made me ready for something else. Something bigger. Something far away and distant. Something far reaching and long lasting. Something amazing.
All this is to say that I've begun to pray that God would show me if long-term foreign missions are in His plans for me. I will be honest in saying it's been scary to pray this for me. I have a life in Riverton that I absolutely love. I spend most days with an incredible little boy and I spend my Sunday mornings with my church family, including a Sunday School class that has come to mean so very much. I get to see my dad often and hanging out with him is always fun. Most importantly though, I have a dog and two cats that are like my children. Okay, so the cats I'm not as attached to, but Maggie is my constant companion. She goes everywhere with me and I can't imagine life without her. That's not to say I don't believe God can prepare my heart for a life without Maggie, because I know He is more than able, but even the thought of that is enough to break my heart. I guess it goes without saying that my prayers have also included that God would make my heart ready for all the good-byes I would have to say and all that I would be leaving behind.
After I shared this prayer request with my Sunday School class this morning, we were discussing the book of Genesis and I was asked why God would use me to work with orphans. Talk about humbled! Tears filled my eyes again (tears have been plentiful concerning this issue) and my response was, "I am willing...my own mom left when I was three so I have somewhat of a sense of what it means to be an orphan...and I love little kids." As I've continued to think about that question, I've come up with a couple more. I had a very painful childhood that left me feeling unloved and, at times, unwanted. Talk about the heart of an orphan! Another reason is that I've always felt called to work with children in some aspect. Every job I have had since high school has involved children. What better way to serve God's kingdom than to love those God is raising up to lead His people!
So I am asking you to pray. Please pray that God would speak very clearly, and loudly, to my heart concerning whether or not this is His will. Twice since my experience in India, I have tried to go on mission trips that I believed were of God but after much pain and suffering - literally - I realized those plans were more of my own doing and that I had convinced myself that He had given me His approval. I want this time to be different. If it's going to be real and authentic, it has to come from HIM and only HIM.
Thanks in advance for the prayers! I will keep you updated!!
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