How Do I Say Goodbye?

Throughout my life, God has blessed me with many women who have, in their own ways, stood in the gap when I needed a mom and my own wasn't there. Women old enough to be my grandma and women young enough to be my sister...they've all played a special part in guiding, nurturing and loving me the way a mom should.

One such lady is fighting a battle with incurable cancer and unfortunately, the cancer is winning. She has stopped treatments and will be spending her final days at home and with her family. I've not been able to stop the tears from falling since I heard this news. I once heard a person say this woman has more compassion in the tip of her pinkie finger than most people have in their entire beings. I couldn't agree more. I keep pleading with God, telling Him there are so many others here on earth that need her love, her encouragement, her gentle spirit. She has a husband that needs her companionship, children that need her guidance, grandchildren that need her spoiling, strangers who need her smile and positive outlook, and students who need her direction and knowledge. I need her. She was a very real presence in my life when I was in college and working with counselors to deal with the sexual abuse in my past. She was always a wonderful listener and her words were filled with gentleness and compassion. If she ever tired or got annoyed with my many visits, notes, and letters spilling out my struggles, she never said anything. She just loved me through it all in a way that only she could.

So how do I say goodbye to her? How do I see her beautiful face when I get to visit and not wonder if it will be the last time I hug her? Hear her voice? See her smile? Simply be in her presence? How do I not feel extremely jealous of those that will get to welcome her soon at the gates of heaven while those of us that love her have to live the rest of our lives on earth without her?

I've always considered myself blessed that I can count the number of funerals I have been to on two hands and not use all my fingers. This will be the first loss of a person close to my heart, however, and I'm dreading it with all that's within me. So I'm asking the Lord, begging Him at times, to prepare me...to prepare us all. Because while He is gaining a wonderful daughter into His arms forever, we are saying goodbye to an angel here on earth.

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