Being Real

A friend asked me yesterday if I had been doing any writing lately and my answer was no. I like to have my issues/struggles 'solved' and wrapped in a nice little package with a colorful bow before I present them to the world. Why? Beats me! That's not being real which, if you know me, is something I strongly believe in.

So here it is: I'm struggling. Big Time. We've been studying the book of Genesis in the ladies Bible study I attend and I feel a bit like Leah - unwanted and forgotten - by life and, frankly, by God. So many of my friends are experiencing big life changes, things they have prayed so long and so hard for, while my own prayers seem to go unanswered. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bitter some days because it can be a hard pill to swallow. I am beyond happy for my friends and look forward to celebrating with them in the months and years to come, I truly am, but that doesn't lessen the sting of my own wounds.

I don't have an answer for any of this and that's partly why I didn't want to write about it. There's no happy ending or big resolution. No closure. No answer to prayers. Just the nitty gritty truth about life right now. Looking forward to the day I can write about seeing God's hand at work in all of this as I so long to be on the other side of it all. Until then, just trying to keep it real…

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