But If From There

"But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul." ~ Deuteronomy 4:29

Dear L and R,

I think about each of you often, I wish you knew that. There are times my heart literally aches as I think about our talks - the laughter, the tears, the wisdom shared, the frustrations vented, those issues we never imagined we could give voice to. God brought each of you into my life at the times I needed you most.

L - My eyes tear up as I think about God crossing our paths. I needed your friendship, love and support more than I would ever know when we met that day in the online support group for survivors of sexual abuse. I had just started to walk that journey of dealing with, and healing from, all those issues that had existed since I was a very little girl. I was scared, confused, angry and so incredibly desperate for peace from all that seemed to consume me. I think we met before I even came to know the Lord, and that was in the darkest days of my life. I didn't want to live anymore, I didn't see the point. I just wanted it all to end. Then I met you and you shared wisdom as s survivor of the unspeakable. You had endured more than most people do in their entire lives and you were barely an adult yourself. Your story broke my heart but your strength gave me strength. I was in awe of you. You looked evil in the face and yet were the most kind and compassionate soul I had ever met. You encouraged me, you believed in me, and you prayed with me. I  remember coming home from facing my grandfather in court and all I wanted to do was tell you about it. You had already endured such an ordeal, far more brutal than my experience was, and I wanted to tell you that I made it. Girl, I miss you so much. Even though we haven't been in touch for years, I think about you all the time and I would give anything to rekindle our friendship.

R - It always makes me smile to think of how God crossed our paths. Thank goodness for Roena, eh? It's crazy to think I have only met/seen you in person twice and yet our friendship was as if we had known each other forever. We talked often, sometimes daily, and our conversations were so real. I knew that with you, I could say things as they were, with no filter, and you would love me through it. You did the same, we never had to guess where each other stood on life issues and even though there were times we disagreed, we never stopped respecting each other. Girl, you saw some of the ugliest life has to offer and you still lived life to the fullest in spite of it. We shared similar struggles and you got it, plan and simple. There are still times I want to share a thought, experience, or feeling related to abuse with you because you would know exactly where I was coming from. You had been there and you survived. And, oh, how I loved to watch you be a mama! You loved your kiddos with a fierceness I had never known or experienced. I miss sharing life with you.

Both of you were heavy on my heart this past Sunday as I listened to my pastor preach a sermon about the Israelites. Remember them? Those crazy people who ended up walking in circles for years because of their own stubbornness and sin? Sometimes I think they were crazy and wonder how they could have gotten things so wrong but then I look at my own life and have to chuckle. Are any of us really that different? As Moses summarized all the Israelites had been through - their disobedience, their wandering hearts, their grumblings, even their blatant idolatry - he reminded them of this simple yet beautiful truth. "But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul." But if from there. God was offering them a wonderful gift! "Even after all you've done, IF FROM THERE you seek Me, you will find Me." Oh, the faithfulness and unending love of our God!

L and R, please hear my heart as I tell you I love you and beg you to turn back to God. It's not too late! Though you have turned away from Him and are living a life outside of His plan, He still loves you! He's waiting with open arms to welcome you home. He will run down the road to meet you as the father welcomed his prodigal son when he saw him walking the dirt road towards home. He loves you! He sees you! He wants you! And, He promises, "If from there..."