A New Way of Thinking
I'm a little dense when it comes to God opening a door for me to walk through. I admit it. Sometimes I'm down right dumb about it. Take my job at Trinity for example. The summer a good friend told me they were hiring an aide, I was working at Pony Espresso and I said these exact words to her, "Nah, I think I could become manager at Pony so I'll stay there." Manager at a coffee shop rather than working in a Christian school...really Angie? Thankfully God moved me out of my own way and I applied for the job and got it. When I was hired, it was a one year position and when February rolled around, my boss asked if I would consider sticking around another year. Again, I foolishly opened my mouth and said something to the effect of, 'Nope. You said it was for one year and after this, I'm moving on." *Slap my head* Again, God graciously moved me out of my own way and I said yes to another year. My time at Trinity totaled 7 years and I loved it so much. It was a truly amazing job.
The next time I convinced myself I knew better than God was when the opportunity came up to watch Ryan. His parents and I had a mutual friend that had been a petsitting client of mine for many years. She told me Ryan's parents were looking for a nanny but that the job was 2 weeks on/2 weeks off because the dad worked in the oil field. I told this friend (and God) that I needed more work than that and went on my merry way. Again, God moved myself out of my way and led me into the next 2 1/2 years where I fell head over heels in love with a little boy that has continues to change my world, even today.
A few weeks ago, I got a FB message from a friend asking if I was looking watch more kids. When she told me that it would entail 3 more kids 3 days a week, I told her I thought it was too much and that I would be praying for her to find someone else. All day, God kept prodding me until I couldn't stand it anymore and told this friend I would do it. That led to last week watching 3 of the sweetest littles, along with my first charge little E, and what I believe will be a wonderful blessing in my life.
Not only has this new job brought me more responsibility, more laughs, and more crazy, it has also brought about a new revelation that has given me much peace. For many months, I've been trapped in the line of thinking that all I'm doing is watching kids, a job that any person could do. It wasn't particularly world changing or making me independently wealthy. I kept comparing myself to others doing more meaningful, more important jobs. Honestly, these thoughts have plagued me off and on for many years, even when watching Ryan. I was letting Satan convince me that watching kids took no particular skill and if I weren't the ones watching them, someone could easily slide into that role. These thoughts were super defeating!
But I realized something this week. My job, and this ability God has given me to love and care for children as though they are my own, is a gift from Him. It's a ministry. A much needed ministry. To know that I am providing peace for moms about their kids while they are working brings me much joy and satisfaction. Other moms have told me that it's hard for them to watch other people's kids because of their love for their own children. I don't have that obstacle. I am free to love these kids with my whole heart and with total abandon. After only a week, these 3 new kids have grabbed my heart and I look forward to my time spent with them. After only 5 months, I love little E more than I ever thought I would and I physically miss her little self when she's gone on vacation. It's been 2 years since I sopped watching Ryan and yet if I don't see him every few days, my heart feels empty. I need these kiddos in my life. I want to be a part of their lives. I love taking care of them. Granted, I love coming home to an empty house at the end of the day, but I am coming to really believe this is God's call on my life. At least for right now. I've spent too many years thinking I need to do something different, something more important, more meaningful for God and all along, these littles have been right here in front of me. May I love them - and Him - well.
The next time I convinced myself I knew better than God was when the opportunity came up to watch Ryan. His parents and I had a mutual friend that had been a petsitting client of mine for many years. She told me Ryan's parents were looking for a nanny but that the job was 2 weeks on/2 weeks off because the dad worked in the oil field. I told this friend (and God) that I needed more work than that and went on my merry way. Again, God moved myself out of my way and led me into the next 2 1/2 years where I fell head over heels in love with a little boy that has continues to change my world, even today.
A few weeks ago, I got a FB message from a friend asking if I was looking watch more kids. When she told me that it would entail 3 more kids 3 days a week, I told her I thought it was too much and that I would be praying for her to find someone else. All day, God kept prodding me until I couldn't stand it anymore and told this friend I would do it. That led to last week watching 3 of the sweetest littles, along with my first charge little E, and what I believe will be a wonderful blessing in my life.
Not only has this new job brought me more responsibility, more laughs, and more crazy, it has also brought about a new revelation that has given me much peace. For many months, I've been trapped in the line of thinking that all I'm doing is watching kids, a job that any person could do. It wasn't particularly world changing or making me independently wealthy. I kept comparing myself to others doing more meaningful, more important jobs. Honestly, these thoughts have plagued me off and on for many years, even when watching Ryan. I was letting Satan convince me that watching kids took no particular skill and if I weren't the ones watching them, someone could easily slide into that role. These thoughts were super defeating!
But I realized something this week. My job, and this ability God has given me to love and care for children as though they are my own, is a gift from Him. It's a ministry. A much needed ministry. To know that I am providing peace for moms about their kids while they are working brings me much joy and satisfaction. Other moms have told me that it's hard for them to watch other people's kids because of their love for their own children. I don't have that obstacle. I am free to love these kids with my whole heart and with total abandon. After only a week, these 3 new kids have grabbed my heart and I look forward to my time spent with them. After only 5 months, I love little E more than I ever thought I would and I physically miss her little self when she's gone on vacation. It's been 2 years since I sopped watching Ryan and yet if I don't see him every few days, my heart feels empty. I need these kiddos in my life. I want to be a part of their lives. I love taking care of them. Granted, I love coming home to an empty house at the end of the day, but I am coming to really believe this is God's call on my life. At least for right now. I've spent too many years thinking I need to do something different, something more important, more meaningful for God and all along, these littles have been right here in front of me. May I love them - and Him - well.
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