Somebody Love Me

This song is an old one but I was reminded of it during a recent conversation with a friend over dinner a few weeks ago. She is in a very similar place in her life to mine - early 30s, single, wondering when God will reveal His (longer term) plan for her life. A big difference between the two of us is her desire to be married. She's wanted that for years and as she has remained single, she's wondering if God's plan doesn't align with hers concerning this part of her life. We were talking about a mutual acquaintance who recently turned down a proposal from the man she had been dating. In discussing it, at almost the same time, we both said how nice it would be to have a guy want to marry us. Our inner longings were so simply put out there - we both want to be desired.

I still stand by my statement that I don't believe it's God's will for me to marry. I won't go as far as saying it will never happen because if God were to bring along the right guy and, in the process, change my heart, then I would want to follow that plan. But as I've gotten older, I've become very content and at peace with being single and don't believe I would be disappointed if this really were God's plan for me. I enjoy the freedoms being single allows me - being able to dog/housesit for days or weeks at a time, planning vacations to see friends whenever I want without having a family to plan around, I always get what I want for dinner, and I always get to watch whatever I want on TV. :-)

But I won't lie, there is a part of me that wants to be desired, I want someone to want me. It would be one thing if I had all these guys knocking down my door, wanting to marry me and I was turning them down. In fact, if I'm honest, I've never even allowed a guy to get close enough to me, even in friendship, to allow him to even get to the place of wanting to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. Because of the hurts in my childhood, the thought of giving my heart - and truthfully, my body - to a man completely gives me the heebie jeebies. All through college, and even afterwards, when a guy told me he wanted to be more than just friends, I would immediately slam the door shut. Now that those same guys are married and starting families of their own, I see that we weren't meant to be anyway and that is refreshing because when I did shut those doors, I felt bad about it.

That same part of me wants a man to think I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen...a man to talk to when I get home at the end of the day...a man to laugh with me and hold me when I cry...a man to commit his entire life to standing beside me...a man that wants to protect me and stand up for me when unfair things happen...a man who would love to adopt a little girl from China...the list goes on and on. There is an older couple at my church who have been married 30+ years and he still puts his arm around her in Sunday School and holds her hand while they worship. I want that. I often see a married couple in town that walk hand in hand early in the morning and each time I see it, it melts my heart. Yes, part of me wants all that. And more. Like the song says, I want somebody to love me. How can I not? It's the way my God created me. :-)

At times these sides of myself seem to battle against each other, but honestly, not very often. The part of me that is at peace with being single seems to be bigger than the part that longs for a husband and so I can stand behind everything I've written without a moment of hesitation.

To all those who have found their true love, you are blessed! Hold on to it with everything you have and never take a moment for granted! To those who are waiting (MS!) have faith that the God who created that longing within you will bring it to fruition. Just remember that it's HIS time, not yours!