Forgotten and Overlooked

A Christmas card. Or lack thereof, I guess. That's what had me wide awake and bawling at 1:02 in the morning. I was housesitting, and after falling asleep briefly when I first went to bed, I woke up not feeling well. I went in search of something to ease what ailed me and noticed a Christmas card on the fridge. It was one of those that people send out nowadays, with a collage of pictures and a short message wishing the reader a Merry Christmas, and was from mutual friends. Just a few days earlier, I saw the same card on another friend's fridge after she invited me over for lunch. When I saw the card on her fridge, I assumed it was from last year because I didn't get a new one this past Christmas and at first, I thought the same about the card I was looking at in the wee morning hours at my housesitting job. After closer examination, I noticed it looked different than the one that had hung on my fridge the past 12 months. So I took it off the fridge and looked to see if there was a date on it anywhere. On the back it was dated this past December and that's when it hit me - these mutual friends didn't send me a card this year even though they've sent me one for as long as I've known them. I felt forgotten. Overlooked.

Now, the calm and rational part of me knows they send out many cards every year and, in what I'm sure was a total accident or oversight, my name was left off the list. That logical side also knows that if I just mentioned I would like one for my fridge, they would probably give me one. 

But then there's the illogical side, the side that feels all things big, and that side of me instantly went back to the times when I would visit my older brother and his family for Christmas and find they had received a Christmas card from relatives that don't speak to me. Relative who, because I chose to speak out about my grandfather's abuse, haven't spoken to me in years. Seeing those Christmas cards sent to my brother made me feel forgotten. Overlooked. 

God made our hearts for community and there's a connection we feel when we're included, when we know we belong. Unfortunately, sin and all the brokenness it brings makes living in community messy, hard, and painful. I would wager a bet that all of us have those experiences of feeling forgotten and overlooked and man, do they hurt. In my experience, they pack a gut punch like few other experiences can.

I remember the time in my teen years school when Christmas was approaching, and I learned from my mom that she and my step-dad were flying my step-sister in to spend Christmas with them. When I asked why they weren't going to fly my older brother and I down, I was told it was because it was cheaper to buy one plane ticket than two. While logically that made sense, there was a big part of me that felt forgotten. Overlooked.

In my church, the women often get together to celebrate two big events in the life of a fellow sister in Christ - marriage and having a baby. Knowing it's unlikely I will ever experience those things, I usually avoid those gatherings as they leave my heart feeling forgotten. Overlooked.

I think about Sarah and Hannah in the Old Testament. Both desperately wanted a baby - something that gave them value and worth in their culture - but years went by and their wombs remained empty. I imagine as they saw other women in their community with babies of their own, they felt forgotten. Overlooked.

Or Joseph in the Old Testament. There's nothing like being thrown in jail for a crime you didn't commit. What's worse, he made a connection with another prisoner that promised to plead Joseph's case before Pharaoh if he was released. After he was released, he forgot that promise and I'm sure Joseph felt forgotten. Overlooked.

I think about Jesus. As He began His ministry, He called together 12 men who would, over the next few years, become like brothers. They followed Him everywhere, they were a witness to all of His miracles, and they vowed to always follow Him. But a dark and stormy afternoon found Jesus hanging on a cross mere hours after one of those very disciples betrayed Him. Thankfully the other eleven were there at the foot of the cross, supporting and loving Him, right? Wrong. With the exception of one, the others were all in hiding. Yes, He was God and He knew the way the events of the next few days would play out, including being reunited with the disciples, but in that moment alone on the cross?  In His humanness, I'm willing to bet Jesus felt forgotten. Overlooked.

I can't imagine the stories you could tell about times you felt forgotten. Overlooked. But I would recognize the sting that comes with the questions

What about me?

When will it be my turn?

What makes them worthy and me unworthy?

Why don't they see me?

Writing those questions fills my eyes with tears and I wish I had answers to all these questions for you. For me. I would love to have a magic wand that I could wave over each of you and declare that you are seen and that you are worthy. Instead, I will share these verses that bring me hope when I feel forgotten. Overlooked.

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands..." Isaiah 49:15-16

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:6-7

Friends, our God sees me. He sees you. We are never, for one single second, forgotten. Or overlooked.