Forgiveness and Consequences
"Then David said to Nathan, 'I have sinned against the LORD.' Nathan replied, 'The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt, the son born to you will die.'" 2 Samuel 12:13-14
I've always thought that the account of David and Bathsheba is one of the greatest examples of how forgiving and loving our God really is. Not only did David commit adultery with Bathsheba, but after finding out she had become pregnant, he had her husband Uriah killed in battle. After these things happen, God still showed his love and forgiveness to David when he repented of his sins. What a comfort it is to know that even when purposely make horrible choices, God is still loving and forgiving and doesn't turn His back on us.
Another thing I love about this account in the Bible is that it shows that sin results in consequence. Yes, David was sorry for the things he had done, the Psalms show the depths of just how repentant he was, and yes, God had not only forgiven him but also forgot those sins as soon as they were repented of. But that didn't mean there would not be consequences for what David had done. One of the hardest things I've had to teach my students in the classroom is that even when they are sorry, there are still consequences for their actions. Working in a Christian school has allowed me to be in an environment where apologizing to a person and asking their forgiveness is encouraged and expected, both from students and teachers alike. While it warms my heart when a student comes to me and asks for my forgiveness and I can see they are truly sorry, it breaks my heart to follow through on taking away a privilege as a consequence of their actions. I know it is a lesson they need to learn though.
This whole concept of forgiveness and consequences also has so much meaning in my own life. Forgiving my grandfather for the abuses he inflicted on me as a child was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I knew that forgiving meant not holding his actions against him anymore and letting go of my anger towards him. One of the greatest pieces of advice I received during my healing journey was from a sister in Christ who told me that if I was waiting until I felt like forgiving my grandfather, it would never happen. So my act of forgiveness began with daily prayers to God telling Him that I was choosing forgiveness even though I didn't feel like forgiving and asking Him to change that part of my heart. Over time, praying that prayer got easier and easier until the night came when I realized I truly had forgiven him. I was lying in bed one night and my thoughts had taken me back to the night I told my dad and step-mom about the abuse and they confronted my grandfather. For the first time, I found myself putting myself in my grandfather's shoes and trying to imagine what that night was like for him. I could remember from my childhood knowing I had done something wrong and knew I was going to be punished for it. Even know I can still remember getting that knot in my stomach and trying to make that horrible feeling of dread go away. As I lay in bed that night, I recalled those feelings of guilt and dread and I multiplied it by 1000, knowing that that was how badly my grandfather probably felt that night when he realized his secret was out. As I allowed that realization to sink in, I found myself crying tears for my grandfather and what he must have experienced that evening. I knew then that I had truly forgiven him.
As I continue to grow in my faith today and make my way down the journey of healing, I can see further evidence that God has changed my heart when it comes to my grandfather. If you were to talk to any of my friends today who know about this part of my life, they would (I hope!) be able to tell you I have no anger or bitterness towards my grandfather. Even when I faced him in the courtroom 8 years ago, I wasn't angry or wanting to seek revenge against him. I was simply doing what I had to do so that he would have to register as a sex offender in his community. For my own peace and state of mind, I couldn't rest until I knew I had done all I could do to make sure he didn't abuse another child.
With all that said, there is still the whole concept of consequences. Even though I have forgiven my grandfather, one of the biggest consequences of his sin, on my part, is that he will never get the opportunity to see me again. Not because I am angry or still holding a grudge, but because I don't believe he is truly sorry for what he did and I believe that even today, he isn't being truthful about others he abused. When I was growing up, I was taught that being sorry meant just that - being sorry without giving any excuses or trying to justify what you had done. My grandfather has never apologized to me without trying to justify why he did what he did. Even other members of my family have tried to make excuses for him. Another aspect of forgiveness that was so hard for me to understand was how to forgive someone who wasn't sorry. It took me a long time to see that God would hold me accountable only for whether or not I forgave my grandfather and that He would hold my grandfather accountable for whether or not he was truly repentant. I had to forgive him for my own sake, whether he was sorry or not.
I so wish certain members of my family could understand these things. They think that my refusal to see them means I haven't forgiven my grandfather and that I am still just an angry and hateful person (an aunt's words, not mine). I would give anything for them to understand that yes, I have forgiven him...I really have. But there will still be consequences for his actions. In general, we live in a society where we believe saying we're sorry simply wipes the slate clean and that should be the end of it. Perhaps we all need to go back and read this account in the Bible again to show us that even our great God believes in consequences after forgiveness.
I've always thought that the account of David and Bathsheba is one of the greatest examples of how forgiving and loving our God really is. Not only did David commit adultery with Bathsheba, but after finding out she had become pregnant, he had her husband Uriah killed in battle. After these things happen, God still showed his love and forgiveness to David when he repented of his sins. What a comfort it is to know that even when purposely make horrible choices, God is still loving and forgiving and doesn't turn His back on us.
Another thing I love about this account in the Bible is that it shows that sin results in consequence. Yes, David was sorry for the things he had done, the Psalms show the depths of just how repentant he was, and yes, God had not only forgiven him but also forgot those sins as soon as they were repented of. But that didn't mean there would not be consequences for what David had done. One of the hardest things I've had to teach my students in the classroom is that even when they are sorry, there are still consequences for their actions. Working in a Christian school has allowed me to be in an environment where apologizing to a person and asking their forgiveness is encouraged and expected, both from students and teachers alike. While it warms my heart when a student comes to me and asks for my forgiveness and I can see they are truly sorry, it breaks my heart to follow through on taking away a privilege as a consequence of their actions. I know it is a lesson they need to learn though.
This whole concept of forgiveness and consequences also has so much meaning in my own life. Forgiving my grandfather for the abuses he inflicted on me as a child was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I knew that forgiving meant not holding his actions against him anymore and letting go of my anger towards him. One of the greatest pieces of advice I received during my healing journey was from a sister in Christ who told me that if I was waiting until I felt like forgiving my grandfather, it would never happen. So my act of forgiveness began with daily prayers to God telling Him that I was choosing forgiveness even though I didn't feel like forgiving and asking Him to change that part of my heart. Over time, praying that prayer got easier and easier until the night came when I realized I truly had forgiven him. I was lying in bed one night and my thoughts had taken me back to the night I told my dad and step-mom about the abuse and they confronted my grandfather. For the first time, I found myself putting myself in my grandfather's shoes and trying to imagine what that night was like for him. I could remember from my childhood knowing I had done something wrong and knew I was going to be punished for it. Even know I can still remember getting that knot in my stomach and trying to make that horrible feeling of dread go away. As I lay in bed that night, I recalled those feelings of guilt and dread and I multiplied it by 1000, knowing that that was how badly my grandfather probably felt that night when he realized his secret was out. As I allowed that realization to sink in, I found myself crying tears for my grandfather and what he must have experienced that evening. I knew then that I had truly forgiven him.
As I continue to grow in my faith today and make my way down the journey of healing, I can see further evidence that God has changed my heart when it comes to my grandfather. If you were to talk to any of my friends today who know about this part of my life, they would (I hope!) be able to tell you I have no anger or bitterness towards my grandfather. Even when I faced him in the courtroom 8 years ago, I wasn't angry or wanting to seek revenge against him. I was simply doing what I had to do so that he would have to register as a sex offender in his community. For my own peace and state of mind, I couldn't rest until I knew I had done all I could do to make sure he didn't abuse another child.
With all that said, there is still the whole concept of consequences. Even though I have forgiven my grandfather, one of the biggest consequences of his sin, on my part, is that he will never get the opportunity to see me again. Not because I am angry or still holding a grudge, but because I don't believe he is truly sorry for what he did and I believe that even today, he isn't being truthful about others he abused. When I was growing up, I was taught that being sorry meant just that - being sorry without giving any excuses or trying to justify what you had done. My grandfather has never apologized to me without trying to justify why he did what he did. Even other members of my family have tried to make excuses for him. Another aspect of forgiveness that was so hard for me to understand was how to forgive someone who wasn't sorry. It took me a long time to see that God would hold me accountable only for whether or not I forgave my grandfather and that He would hold my grandfather accountable for whether or not he was truly repentant. I had to forgive him for my own sake, whether he was sorry or not.
I so wish certain members of my family could understand these things. They think that my refusal to see them means I haven't forgiven my grandfather and that I am still just an angry and hateful person (an aunt's words, not mine). I would give anything for them to understand that yes, I have forgiven him...I really have. But there will still be consequences for his actions. In general, we live in a society where we believe saying we're sorry simply wipes the slate clean and that should be the end of it. Perhaps we all need to go back and read this account in the Bible again to show us that even our great God believes in consequences after forgiveness.
Of course you realize your words are a bitter pill for any of us to swallow--we have become so skilled at justification or comparing our standards to the least common of what is out there. Thanks for food for thought for everyone--it also says in scripture "Chief of sinners though I be."
ReplyDeleteLove, Sue