A New Direction
My life has taken an unexpected turn in the past couple of days but the change has given me a sense of peace and certainty that I was lacking before. In November, I began a masters degree through Grand Canyon University. I was motivated, excited, and thought it was the direction God was calling me in. I took two classes and realized I needed a break before starting the third. I had other things I was committed to that were taking a lot of my time and attention away from my class and I just needed some time off.
Fast forward to this week. As I started the week, every time I thought about starting another class on Thursday (when my two week break would be over) I was filled with a sense of dread. I logged onto GCU's website just to make sure things were still on track and found that the class they had me scheduled to start on Thursday was not the one my academic counselor had told me I would be taking. It wasn't a big deal to me, I just figured they had an opening in this new class and not in the other one. The professor already had the syllabus up so I thought I would take a look. The assignments looked hard but not only that, as I scrolled through the weeks to come, I honestly didn't care to learn the material. So a little voice inside my head began tossing around the idea of dropping the degree altogether.
Another voice wasn't quite as agreeable and I began to wonder if others would think me a failure or be disappointed in me because I didn't follow this degree all the way through. I am a people-pleaser by nature and can't stand the thought of people being upset with me for any reason. I finally convinced myself, however, that other people weren't taking the classes and doing the work, I was and I just didn't want to do it anymore. My heart was no longer in the journey and I knew that if my classes became something I dreaded each week, my grades would suffer. So yesterday afternoon, I called my enrollment counselor and officially withdrew from GCU.
I am at complete peace with this decision. I now know what grad school classes are like and if I want to purse them in the future, I know what I will be getting myself into. For now though, the timing just isn't right. I don't have the motivation or desire at this time and I would rather withdraw now instead of tens of thousands of dollars in debt later. Because I was scheduled to graduate in May of 2013, just as I was finished with my teaching job, I convinced myself it was God's will and His timing. As I got into things I realized that would mean taking classes back to back with no break, and even the thought of that was enough to exhaust me. Does my job at Trinity still end in May of 2013? Yes. Will I have a master's degree at that time? No. Do I have to have that degree in order for God to provide me opportunities after Trinity? No. I look at my job at Trinity itself and how I've been teaching in a classroom for four years now without a teaching degree. God provided for me with this job and I believe He will provide with other when the time comes.
Thanks to those of you who have encouraged and supported me in this short-lived journey. I pray people will accept my decision but even if they don't, I have to do what I believe is best for me. I now look forward to the upcoming days and weeks instead of dreading them. That in itself is a wonderful place to be!
Fast forward to this week. As I started the week, every time I thought about starting another class on Thursday (when my two week break would be over) I was filled with a sense of dread. I logged onto GCU's website just to make sure things were still on track and found that the class they had me scheduled to start on Thursday was not the one my academic counselor had told me I would be taking. It wasn't a big deal to me, I just figured they had an opening in this new class and not in the other one. The professor already had the syllabus up so I thought I would take a look. The assignments looked hard but not only that, as I scrolled through the weeks to come, I honestly didn't care to learn the material. So a little voice inside my head began tossing around the idea of dropping the degree altogether.
Another voice wasn't quite as agreeable and I began to wonder if others would think me a failure or be disappointed in me because I didn't follow this degree all the way through. I am a people-pleaser by nature and can't stand the thought of people being upset with me for any reason. I finally convinced myself, however, that other people weren't taking the classes and doing the work, I was and I just didn't want to do it anymore. My heart was no longer in the journey and I knew that if my classes became something I dreaded each week, my grades would suffer. So yesterday afternoon, I called my enrollment counselor and officially withdrew from GCU.
I am at complete peace with this decision. I now know what grad school classes are like and if I want to purse them in the future, I know what I will be getting myself into. For now though, the timing just isn't right. I don't have the motivation or desire at this time and I would rather withdraw now instead of tens of thousands of dollars in debt later. Because I was scheduled to graduate in May of 2013, just as I was finished with my teaching job, I convinced myself it was God's will and His timing. As I got into things I realized that would mean taking classes back to back with no break, and even the thought of that was enough to exhaust me. Does my job at Trinity still end in May of 2013? Yes. Will I have a master's degree at that time? No. Do I have to have that degree in order for God to provide me opportunities after Trinity? No. I look at my job at Trinity itself and how I've been teaching in a classroom for four years now without a teaching degree. God provided for me with this job and I believe He will provide with other when the time comes.
Thanks to those of you who have encouraged and supported me in this short-lived journey. I pray people will accept my decision but even if they don't, I have to do what I believe is best for me. I now look forward to the upcoming days and weeks instead of dreading them. That in itself is a wonderful place to be!
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