All is Well? Are You Sure, God?
I love the Christian group Phillips, Craig, and Dean (PCD) and have many of their albums. When I realized they had a new one out, I instantly downloaded it to my ipod and made myself a CD for my car. A couple of their songs really stood out to me but the one that is making the greatest impression right now is called, "All is Well."
I'd like to think that though I don't read my Bible daily and my church attendance isn't all that regular (both of which I'm trying to improve) I am a person of faith. Generally speaking, it's not hard for me to believe that God has a plan for me and for His entire creation. As I've grown in my faith over the years, I've fretted less and less over things out of my control because I just have this peace that all will be well.
The temptation to fret has been great the last 24 hours. Originally, the plan for my job was that next year would be my last teaching at Trinity Lutheran. By May of 2013, they would need to be meeting some accreditation standards that included all staff being Lutheran and that meant I was out of a job. I really had a peace about that decision and wasn't all that surprised when it came down the pike. 14 months seemed like a good amount of time to ready myself for leaving Trinity and it's students and parents. 14 months seemed long enough for me to figure out what would come next. 14 months seemed like such a long time and I was okay with that.
One phone call was all it took for that 14 months to be reduced to 7 weeks. 33 days. Even less for one student who will be leaving at the end of April. Circumstances and decisions beyond my control have contributed to my contract not being renewed next year. I'd like to say I took the phone call with poise and control beyond my years but the truth is I was bawling like a baby by the end of it. I had just told our school secretary that afternoon that I had a peace with the decision I knew would be made that evening at the school board meeting, whether I would be staying at Trinity one more year or not. I was just so shocked because I didn't expect the decision to be what it was.
In the hours since that phone call, I can honestly say I do have a peace about the decision. I know it was not an easy one for those who had to make it it was not made in haste. However, that doesn't mean I feel incredible pain and sadness at knowing the next several weeks at TLS will be my last. To say I love my job there is a total under statement. The job was only supposed to be a one-year position but it has turned into the best 7 years of my life. I have LOVED it all - the good, bad, and ugly. I love the students, their parents, my co-workers, the schedule, everything about it. It will be difficult to switch my mind frame from thinking I have 14 months to less than two but alas, it has to be done and I know that it will get easier with time. I started this school week thinking, "Only 34 more days!" and now it has changed to, "Only 33 more days."
My biggest prayer in all of this is that I would handle the days and weeks to come with grace and in a way that will be God-pleasing. Although I am disappointed in those who made the decision, I hold no ill will towards those involved. I know God has a plan for me and that for whatever reason, Trinity isn't it any longer. I firmly believe God knows my love and passion for the work I have done there and that He only has something better in store. What that 'better' is, I have no idea but He knows and most days, that is enough. I don't believe He is a God who plays the role puppet master and gets joy out of making His puppets squirm and fret and get tangled in their surroundings. He is an awesome God.
This all gets back to this song "All is Well." The last line of the chorus is, "Jesus reigns, and all is well." Painful? Yes. Scary? Yes. Overwhelming? Yes. But really God? Well? It is my prayer that each day I can answer that question with a resounding "YES!"
I'd like to think that though I don't read my Bible daily and my church attendance isn't all that regular (both of which I'm trying to improve) I am a person of faith. Generally speaking, it's not hard for me to believe that God has a plan for me and for His entire creation. As I've grown in my faith over the years, I've fretted less and less over things out of my control because I just have this peace that all will be well.
The temptation to fret has been great the last 24 hours. Originally, the plan for my job was that next year would be my last teaching at Trinity Lutheran. By May of 2013, they would need to be meeting some accreditation standards that included all staff being Lutheran and that meant I was out of a job. I really had a peace about that decision and wasn't all that surprised when it came down the pike. 14 months seemed like a good amount of time to ready myself for leaving Trinity and it's students and parents. 14 months seemed long enough for me to figure out what would come next. 14 months seemed like such a long time and I was okay with that.
One phone call was all it took for that 14 months to be reduced to 7 weeks. 33 days. Even less for one student who will be leaving at the end of April. Circumstances and decisions beyond my control have contributed to my contract not being renewed next year. I'd like to say I took the phone call with poise and control beyond my years but the truth is I was bawling like a baby by the end of it. I had just told our school secretary that afternoon that I had a peace with the decision I knew would be made that evening at the school board meeting, whether I would be staying at Trinity one more year or not. I was just so shocked because I didn't expect the decision to be what it was.
In the hours since that phone call, I can honestly say I do have a peace about the decision. I know it was not an easy one for those who had to make it it was not made in haste. However, that doesn't mean I feel incredible pain and sadness at knowing the next several weeks at TLS will be my last. To say I love my job there is a total under statement. The job was only supposed to be a one-year position but it has turned into the best 7 years of my life. I have LOVED it all - the good, bad, and ugly. I love the students, their parents, my co-workers, the schedule, everything about it. It will be difficult to switch my mind frame from thinking I have 14 months to less than two but alas, it has to be done and I know that it will get easier with time. I started this school week thinking, "Only 34 more days!" and now it has changed to, "Only 33 more days."
My biggest prayer in all of this is that I would handle the days and weeks to come with grace and in a way that will be God-pleasing. Although I am disappointed in those who made the decision, I hold no ill will towards those involved. I know God has a plan for me and that for whatever reason, Trinity isn't it any longer. I firmly believe God knows my love and passion for the work I have done there and that He only has something better in store. What that 'better' is, I have no idea but He knows and most days, that is enough. I don't believe He is a God who plays the role puppet master and gets joy out of making His puppets squirm and fret and get tangled in their surroundings. He is an awesome God.
This all gets back to this song "All is Well." The last line of the chorus is, "Jesus reigns, and all is well." Painful? Yes. Scary? Yes. Overwhelming? Yes. But really God? Well? It is my prayer that each day I can answer that question with a resounding "YES!"
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