The Mom I Never Had
*Sigh* Here I sit...the eve of my last day as a teacher at Trinity Lutheran School. This is what I have been praying so hard for through the past seven weeks, that God would prepare my heart to leave this job I love. This day has come SO fast but at the same time, almost too slow with the point of the buildup being so intense that I just want it to be over already. I have tried to treasure the past days with my students, savoring each moment with their smiling faces, their kind hearts, and their sweet and tender spirits. There aren't words to express how much I love and care for them.
Besides missing the students, their parents, and the staff, there is another aspect of leaving Trinity that has, at times, been unbearable. As I leave Trinity, I am leaving behind a friendship with a dear woman that has, over the years, become the mom I never had. I worked at Trinity for three years and to be honest, this woman intimidated the mess out of me! Knowing I would have to talk with her or have a meeting with her was enough to give me a serious case of butterflies for hours before we were to meet. She was a wonderful boss, she just flat out scared me at times with her intensity!
In January of my forth year there, an e-mail forward I sent this woman opened the door to a friendship with her that has been such an incredibly blessing in my life. Over these past four years, I have gotten to know her on a very personal level and have come to love the sweet, funny, tender hearted woman she hides underneath her tough exterior. During that time, she began to fill that 'mom void' in my heart that had been empty for so long. For the first time in my life, I had a motherly figure I could go to every day with a funny story, a hurt in my heart, or to ask some advice - whether on a professional or personal level. I had a safe place to cry and a motherly figure that wouldn't question or judge the tears, but instead listened to the pain behind them and offered very practical and real suggestions on how to deal with whatever was bothering me. There were days I wouldn't even talk to her but simply knowing she was in the classroom right across the hall from me, so near, just gave me a peace and assurance that all was okay.
So now this friendship, as we know it, will end. Sure, we will still be friends and still do things together. I know she will still be there to laugh with me and comfort me in my times of sadness. But I won't see her every day. Making plans with her won't be as easy as walking across the hall and talking. That comforting feeling of simply knowing she is 'near' won't exist. As I move on, wherever God takes me next, things will change, and that absolutely breaks my heart. I have questioned God over and over about this, asking Him why He would take away this friendship (in the way I have come to know and enjoy it) when it's something I've wanted ALL my life. Why would He fill this void for only a little while and then move me away from it? After 27 years of not having a mom in my life, these past four years seem so incredibly short. Why, Lord? For the time being, I have just added it to the list of things I am struggling to make sense of.
Lord, I believe...help my unbelief.
Besides missing the students, their parents, and the staff, there is another aspect of leaving Trinity that has, at times, been unbearable. As I leave Trinity, I am leaving behind a friendship with a dear woman that has, over the years, become the mom I never had. I worked at Trinity for three years and to be honest, this woman intimidated the mess out of me! Knowing I would have to talk with her or have a meeting with her was enough to give me a serious case of butterflies for hours before we were to meet. She was a wonderful boss, she just flat out scared me at times with her intensity!
In January of my forth year there, an e-mail forward I sent this woman opened the door to a friendship with her that has been such an incredibly blessing in my life. Over these past four years, I have gotten to know her on a very personal level and have come to love the sweet, funny, tender hearted woman she hides underneath her tough exterior. During that time, she began to fill that 'mom void' in my heart that had been empty for so long. For the first time in my life, I had a motherly figure I could go to every day with a funny story, a hurt in my heart, or to ask some advice - whether on a professional or personal level. I had a safe place to cry and a motherly figure that wouldn't question or judge the tears, but instead listened to the pain behind them and offered very practical and real suggestions on how to deal with whatever was bothering me. There were days I wouldn't even talk to her but simply knowing she was in the classroom right across the hall from me, so near, just gave me a peace and assurance that all was okay.
So now this friendship, as we know it, will end. Sure, we will still be friends and still do things together. I know she will still be there to laugh with me and comfort me in my times of sadness. But I won't see her every day. Making plans with her won't be as easy as walking across the hall and talking. That comforting feeling of simply knowing she is 'near' won't exist. As I move on, wherever God takes me next, things will change, and that absolutely breaks my heart. I have questioned God over and over about this, asking Him why He would take away this friendship (in the way I have come to know and enjoy it) when it's something I've wanted ALL my life. Why would He fill this void for only a little while and then move me away from it? After 27 years of not having a mom in my life, these past four years seem so incredibly short. Why, Lord? For the time being, I have just added it to the list of things I am struggling to make sense of.
Lord, I believe...help my unbelief.
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