Fingerprints of God

I would be lying if I said my relationship with God hasn't suffered some in recent months. I've gone through a time of questioning Him, doubting Him, second guessing Him, and just flat out feeling as though He had let me down. Back in April, when I found out I was not returning to Trinity, I decided I was going to step out of my box when it came to prayer. I've never prayed specifically for things before, very specific things. I always believed that God had blessed me beyond all I deserved and I didn't have the right to ask Him for specific things I wanted and not necessarily needed. This time, though, I was going to try praying for 3 very specific things when it came to my next job:

1) working with kids
2) being able to take Maggie with me
3) health insurance

Were they a bit of a stretch? Yes, I believed so, especially #2, but I believed God would answer my prayers. I even remember talking with a friend this summer about those requests and she said something about how unlikely it was that I would find a job I could take Maggie. My response was, "Don't you know my God can do anything?" So, when it came September, then October, and now almost November and those 3 requests hadn't been answered, I was disgruntled with God. I even told Him once, "I stood up for you," referring to the conversation with my friend, "and you didn't even come through!" I was frustrated, discouraged, and just idown in the dumps.

In mid-September I got a job at a daycare and although it only fulfilled one of those requests, it was better than nothing. I believed it to be my dream job, working with babies all day. Some days were good and some days were not so good but I just kept plugging along. I loved the little kids dearly but there were some things my co-workers did that really bothered me and after one particular incident on a Monday morning, I clocked out for my lunch break and walked into my boss' office and told her I wasn't coming back.

Although I felt good about my decision, I was out of a job and, again, playing the waiting game. As the days and weeks went on, I became more and more discouraged with the whole situation. I was trying to believe God had His best in store for me but as each day passed, it got harder and harder to believe.

This last week, a Christian friend of mine mentioned that she knew a couple, also Christian, looking for a nanny for their 17 month old son and asked if I was interested. I was and as she told me more about the situation, I got more and more excited. The family lived out in the country and had horses and dogs so I assumed it would be okay to take Maggie - requests #1 and 2 answered. I later learned that taking Maggie probably wasn't possible because the couple had rescued a pit bull from fighting and she was not trustworthy around other dogs. I felt as though my excitement bubble was popped in an instant and I began harping on myself for getting my hopes up. Again I questioned God and wondered why it seemed He enjoyed getting my hopes up, only to dash them soon after.

However, after talking with the wife of this couple, we decided Maggie would probably be safe going with me as long as I kept a close eye on her and this other dog. In talking with her, the job sounded perfect and right up my alley - except for one thing. The dad works out of town on on oil rig and works 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off so I would only be babysitting full-time for two weeks a month. Again I wondered if God was closing this door. Could I pay my bills when only working 2 weeks out of the month? Sure, I could 'plan' on subbing jobs within the school district or other odd jobs but what if they never came?

Thankfully I have some very wonderful friends and family that were able to talk me through those doubts and remind me of Who is in control and that He has always taken care of me in the past. So I went to the interview confident, without a single nerve, and knew that God was on my side. The interview went wonderful - the little boy and I were on the way to being good friends by the time I left, the dogs all got along wonderfully, and the mom didn't even bat an eye when I told her my daily rate. When I left, she told me she would talk to her husband that evening to make sure he agreed with the rate, but that she didn't think there would be any problems. I drove home believing I had the job in the bag.

That evening came and went without a phone call. The mom texted me and told me there was a problem on her husband's rig and she wasn't able to talk with him but she would do so first thing in the morning. The next morning I saw she had called during Sunday School and left a message asking me to call her because we 'needed to talk.' No simple yes or no for an answer and for the millionth time, I questioned what God was doing.

After church I called her back and she immediately began talking about how nervous she was leaving her son with a stranger and that she wasn't sure she should do it. In my head, I'm thinking, "The door is about to slam shut..." and she goes on to tell me about a phone call she got that morning from a friend of hers. It was a random call and the friend just called to chat. When the mom mentioned to her friend about the nanny situation, her friend asked who she was thinking about hiring. It turns out this friend of the mom's is a girl I went to school with and she gave the mom a glowing recommendation on my behalf!

The mom went on to tell me that was the confirmation she needed from God and offered me the job! I start on November 11 and I am very excited. Yes, there are still moments of doubt about paying my bills and having enough work for the entire month, but I am holding the hand of the One who holds the world and there's no safer, and more perfect, place to be!