Restless

"This task before me may seem unclear...but it, my Master holds" ~ Bebo Norman

Lately I've been feeling restless. I'm thinking it might be time to move on, to move onto something new and different. Something exciting. Something big.

This is not where I expected my life to end up. Please don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my job as a nanny watching Ryan and I LOVE my job with the kids at church. I truly believe God led me to these jobs as part of His will. However, there is a chance I could be out of a job in the coming weeks or months and along with other reasons, I'm wondering if God has something else in store for me.

If you had asked me in college what I saw myself doing 15 years from then, I would have listed many possibilities - working with orphans in India...rocking thrown away babies with AIDS in Africa...speaking publically about God's work in me through the abuse in my past...ministering to women who had been rescued from sex trafficking...publishing a book of my poems...the possibilities were endless. I was going to change the world. Do something BIG for God and leave HIS mark on the world.

Now here I sit those 15 years later taking care of a 3 year old and teaching little kids at church each week. I get that I am influencing and shaping little minds and hearts, (hopefully) leading them to a relationship with Jesus. But honestly, some days it doesn't seem that big or that important. Most days it seems pretty mundane.

I understand that God doesn't call all of His children to be missionaries that travel to far off lands and share the gospel. He doesn't plan for all of them to speak in front of audiences numbering in the thousands, telling of His healing and offering hope for them. Not all His children are meant to be authors or hold the babies no one else in this world wanted.

Please pray that I would find contentment and purpose in these (seemingly) smaller things that God has called me to do. As I wait for whatever comes next, may He find me faithful in these things for now.










Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sufficient Grace Among Thorns

It happened again last night. I was scrolling through social media and learned an acquaintance had gotten married. I was happy for her, I really was. Many of her peers had been married for years and I imagined there was great joy for her as God finally brought her husband along. But almost instantly, that joy turned to sadness and a heaviness filled my heart. An all too familiar heaviness. One I've felt off and on for years, one that brings tears to my eyes, and one that, if I'm not careful, can turn into incredible bitterness. I've often thought that, besides Jesus, one of the people I am looking forward to meeting in heaven is Paul. I want to talk to him about that thorn in his side because, boy, do I have some questions! Did he experience times when that thorn seemed almost non-existent, more like a splinter in his side and just a mild annoyance? And on the flip side, were there times that little thorn seemed to be so infected and raw that it left a trail of blood with e
Read more

100 Things I'm Thankful For

After being inspired by a friend's list, I've been writing out a list of 100 things I'm thankful for every year for almost fifteen years now! This year though, if I'm honest, I've been tempted to just skip it. I've been walking through several weeks of fighting off depression and telling Satan through gritted teeth, almost daily, that he's not going to win. So this year, I wanted to just write a simple 'I am thankful for my many blessings' and be done with it. Sitting and writing out 100 things can be pretty tedious, especially when you get into the 60s and start to lost steam! But to sit and think about 100 things I am thankful for requires a bit of reflection, honesty, and a whole lot of intentionality, which is never a bad thing So, in no particular order, here we go... 1. The hope and joy I have that comes from a relationship with my Jesus. The longer I live and the more people I meet and interact with, the more aware I am that true joy can only
Read more

April Thoughts *Trigger Warning*

April is probably one of my favorite months of the year. Not only is it my birthday month (and that of some of the coolest people ever!) but after a long, cold, and gray winter, green grass starts to grow and the earth just smells new, fresh, and ready to come alive. Kids at school finally get the chance to play outside without their coats and the warm sun both brings out an orneriness and an exuberance for life that is unmatched during the winter months. Evenings are perfect for sitting in the sun with a good book and a whispering breeze to help sort through the events of the day as the sun heads off to bed and the moon prepares for the night shift. There's just something about the month of April! April is also Sexual Assault Awareness Month and my social media comes alive with reminders that rapists are the sole cause of rape, that chains are broken every time a survivor tells their story, and that there is so much hope and healing available for those who have been wounded by sex
Read more