A Visit to the Past
Last weekend, I went and retrieved some of my boxes from my dad's shop where they have been stored since I moved into a smaller apartment, what, almost 10 years ago? I had an idea of what was in some of them and it was fun to quickly peak inside each one and decide if I wanted to take it with me right away, take it to a local second hand shop, or leave it at the shop until I made room for it in the storage shed at my house. I grabbed a few boxes full of notebooks, journals, and old college assignments and brought them home for a more in depth look.
Most of the notebooks were old prayer journals from when I was in college and the first year or two afterwards. They covered my decision to trust Christ, the first year of college when I wasn't sure what in the world I was supposed to be doing, starting counseling to deal with my childhood abuse and the hard, hard work that came with that, my mission trips in Riverton, Hawaii, and India, and life in general with roommates, friends, family, and all the issues those relationships bring. Here are some things I took away from reading those journals...
- I journaled A LOT. A whole lot. All my journals were prayers to God and covered every part of my life. Reading through, I was somewhat ashamed that my prayer life has not been that strong in recent years and it made me want to get back to that place of pouring my EVERY need out to God, no matter how trivial they seemed to me.
- The events in these journals took place 19 years ago. That's almost 20 and that's A LOT! How has it been almost 20 years since that period of my life? I remember so much of it like it just happened yesterday! How can I be that old?? No, for real. Where does the time go?
- The three summers I did mission work were some of the best and worst times of my life, and my faith. I met two of my greatest friends during those trips and learned lessons about life and God that I would never have learned otherwise. My summer in Riverton was just plain fun, mixed in with work that didn't seem like work. I met Cassey that summer and it was the first time I had made a friend I trusted my whole heart with. We laughed, we cried, and we did crazy things that only college students without a care in the world would have done. My 10 weeks in Hawaii the next summer were a strange mix of beautiful and hard, but mostly hard. That summer was a test of my faith unlike anything I've ever experienced. Here I was in one of the most beautiful places on earth and I was struggling big time. I questioned so much that summer and as I read of pouring my heart out to God, I was reminded of how His grace carried me through the moments of that time when I didn't think I could go on. I met Amy that summer and formed a friendship that was beautiful and fun and led to serving with her in India the next summer. India was amazing. In a complete opposite from Hawaii, I was in one of the poorest countries in the world, filled with a spiritual darkness you could almost feel, and I was filled with so much peace and rested completely in the arms of my Jesus. I saw some devastatingly hard and breathtakingly beautiful things that summer and God was so faithful to see me through each day and experience. A part of my heart will always be in India. Yes, summer missions were a catalyst in my relationship with God and I will forever treasure those days!
- I prayed hard for lost loved ones. Every day I poured out those names and asked God to reveal Himself to them in a way that would bring them to Him. As far as I know, none of those people are believers today and I have to be honest in saying I'm wrestling with that. I've continued to pray for those hearts and souls to this day and it's discouraging to not have seen any results. I know God works in ways I can't see or understand and I just have to trust that He's still at work. My job is to just pray and leave the results with God.
- Back then, there were people in my life I believed would always be there for me and some relationships I struggled to see the good in and keep alive. Today the exact opposite is true of those very same people. The way relationships change over time will always be a complete mystery to me.
- The journey of working though my childhood abuse was brutal, especially those first several months. Talk about a hot mess! I was all over the place with my emotions and my faith as I struggled to make peace with the things done to me by people who were supposed to love me and take care of me, as well as with a God who was (seemingly) absent during those years the abuse was happening. I am so incredibly thankful for those heroes of the faith God placed in my life that were such strong anchors during what was the hardest storm of my faith so far. They continually pointed me to Jesus, told me the hard truths in love, and believed in me when I was at my worst. They are forever the beautiful in that ugly part of my life.
- I prayed hard for a husband during those years. Day after day, I prayed specific prayers for him, wherever he was and for however God would cross our paths. All that is for another blog to come soon...stay tuned!
Most of the notebooks were old prayer journals from when I was in college and the first year or two afterwards. They covered my decision to trust Christ, the first year of college when I wasn't sure what in the world I was supposed to be doing, starting counseling to deal with my childhood abuse and the hard, hard work that came with that, my mission trips in Riverton, Hawaii, and India, and life in general with roommates, friends, family, and all the issues those relationships bring. Here are some things I took away from reading those journals...
- I journaled A LOT. A whole lot. All my journals were prayers to God and covered every part of my life. Reading through, I was somewhat ashamed that my prayer life has not been that strong in recent years and it made me want to get back to that place of pouring my EVERY need out to God, no matter how trivial they seemed to me.
- The events in these journals took place 19 years ago. That's almost 20 and that's A LOT! How has it been almost 20 years since that period of my life? I remember so much of it like it just happened yesterday! How can I be that old?? No, for real. Where does the time go?
- The three summers I did mission work were some of the best and worst times of my life, and my faith. I met two of my greatest friends during those trips and learned lessons about life and God that I would never have learned otherwise. My summer in Riverton was just plain fun, mixed in with work that didn't seem like work. I met Cassey that summer and it was the first time I had made a friend I trusted my whole heart with. We laughed, we cried, and we did crazy things that only college students without a care in the world would have done. My 10 weeks in Hawaii the next summer were a strange mix of beautiful and hard, but mostly hard. That summer was a test of my faith unlike anything I've ever experienced. Here I was in one of the most beautiful places on earth and I was struggling big time. I questioned so much that summer and as I read of pouring my heart out to God, I was reminded of how His grace carried me through the moments of that time when I didn't think I could go on. I met Amy that summer and formed a friendship that was beautiful and fun and led to serving with her in India the next summer. India was amazing. In a complete opposite from Hawaii, I was in one of the poorest countries in the world, filled with a spiritual darkness you could almost feel, and I was filled with so much peace and rested completely in the arms of my Jesus. I saw some devastatingly hard and breathtakingly beautiful things that summer and God was so faithful to see me through each day and experience. A part of my heart will always be in India. Yes, summer missions were a catalyst in my relationship with God and I will forever treasure those days!
- I prayed hard for lost loved ones. Every day I poured out those names and asked God to reveal Himself to them in a way that would bring them to Him. As far as I know, none of those people are believers today and I have to be honest in saying I'm wrestling with that. I've continued to pray for those hearts and souls to this day and it's discouraging to not have seen any results. I know God works in ways I can't see or understand and I just have to trust that He's still at work. My job is to just pray and leave the results with God.
- Back then, there were people in my life I believed would always be there for me and some relationships I struggled to see the good in and keep alive. Today the exact opposite is true of those very same people. The way relationships change over time will always be a complete mystery to me.
- The journey of working though my childhood abuse was brutal, especially those first several months. Talk about a hot mess! I was all over the place with my emotions and my faith as I struggled to make peace with the things done to me by people who were supposed to love me and take care of me, as well as with a God who was (seemingly) absent during those years the abuse was happening. I am so incredibly thankful for those heroes of the faith God placed in my life that were such strong anchors during what was the hardest storm of my faith so far. They continually pointed me to Jesus, told me the hard truths in love, and believed in me when I was at my worst. They are forever the beautiful in that ugly part of my life.
- I prayed hard for a husband during those years. Day after day, I prayed specific prayers for him, wherever he was and for however God would cross our paths. All that is for another blog to come soon...stay tuned!
Comments
Post a Comment