Answers to Hard Prayers

Well, it's finished! My manuscript, that is. Five months after God put the idea on my heart, thousands of words written and deleted later, it's done and submitted to the publisher. I didn't know if this day would ever come. It would seem that just as I thought I was finished, more thoughts would come to mind or someone would suggest another edit. More than that, however, was a huge crisis of faith I experienced in recent weeks. I had gotten my last copy back from a friend who edited it for me and all I had to do was make a few more changes and it would be done. But that copy sat on my counter for weeks and every time I sat down with my computer, I couldn't make myself open the document and start pressing keys. I was stuck and I wasn't sure why. Then out of the blue, it came to me - I was doubtful. 

See, now that I've submitted it to the publishing company, they will let me know in about a week if they want to partner with me to publish and then it's up to me to come up with an amount of money I can only dream of having to spare. I'm not sure if I wrote this in another blog, but  the money is paid up front and this company takes care of everything it takes to get it published. EVERYTHING. They do the cover, the design and layout of the actual book, marketing to big names like Amazon and Barnes & Noble, even creating a webpage to promote the book. Then, once the book is finished, they make no money until that sum I paid up front it recouped and even then, it's pennies on the dollar. They are a reputable Christian publishing company that a friend has published with and I have heard nothing but good things about their work.

I was afraid to finish my manuscript. Afraid that the God who brought it this far wouldn't see it to completion. Afraid He wouldn't provide the money (if it was His will) and I would have to seek alternate means of publishing, all of which completely overwhelm me and cause me to panic. Afraid those many, many pages would never make it into a bound copy that survivors could hold in their hands and be encouraged by. I was straight up afraid. I've always been afraid to pray big prayers. I've been blessed that God provides for my basic daily needs but to pray for anything above and beyond seems selfish. I've always had a hard time praying and asking for anything 'extra', like this book. 

Then God answered another 'extra' prayer in recent days and reminded me He IS in control. I have lived in the same little house for 10 years this month. When I first moved in, it was a huge upgrade from the studio apartment I had been living in and it was plenty big enough for me and my fur babies. I started watching my first llama and she had plenty of room to play and grow in. Then that llama got a sister and that sister got a sister! Now there are THREE llamas and my house just isn't big enough anymore. Living paycheck to paycheck, God had proved Himself faithful to meet all my financial needs, and I began to pray that He would provide another place to live for the same amount of rent I am paying now. One doesn't have to look any farther than the local housing ads to see that rent for one or two bedroom places easily exceed what I can afford. I'll never forget a friend telling me, "Yeah, that's not to happen!" But I kept that little prayer in the back on my mind, knowing that nothing was impossible with God.

Well, He answered that prayer and boy did He do it in a huge way! My boss' parents live in Colorado and plan on retiring here in Riverton in about 7 years. They have been looking for houses now and then, trying to find one they liked. They put in an offer on a big place last week and it was accepted! It's on a few acres with a fenced in yard and plenty of room for the life they want to live during retirement. The best part? They want me to live there so it doesn't sit empty for the next 7 years and they will let me pay the SAME amount of rent I am paying now!! As my friend Beckie always says, "How 'bout them apples?" This house has everything I would ever want or need as a single woman who herds llamas and I get to live there at no extra expense to my monthly budget! I can hardly believe it as I type the word and I'm trying not to let myself get too excited in case something goes wrong in the handful of weeks until it closes. But guys, this is HUGE and a HUGE reminder that God always answers prayers - even those ones that seem 'extra.'

So I will submit my manuscript with boldness and courage! I will trust that God will provide in His perfect way and in His perfect time. I truly believe He has led me through this journey of writing this book and He's a God who always finishes what He starts!