Permission to Grieve
Not too long ago, a friend of mine wrote a blog about grieving the loss of her hair because she has a condition called alopecia (http://sandrakelly.blogspot.com/2012/02/qualifying-our-problems.html). Her blog really tugged on my heartstrings not only because I feel a great sadness and compassion for her, but also because there are times I try to minimize things I get sad about instead of just giving myself permission to grieve. (For the most part, I am talking about the issue of not having a mom and not so much the abuse I experienced as a child. For whatever reason, I don't feel much sadness over the abuse. I think that's because I have a peace about what happened and as time goes on, it affects my life less and less.)
When did crying become so shameful for people? I have a friend who recently told me she hates crying in front of people and another friend who is always saying, "Get over it _______". I think we all can relate to these same thoughts. I certainly do. I can't even begin to count how many times I berate myself for feeling the sadness that I do at times over not having a mom. The conversation in my head goes something like this, "Quit crying (insert one of many negative descriptions of myself)! It's been 30+ years already, grow up and move on!" I've heard it said before that we would never allow someone to talk to us the way we talk to ourselves and boy, do I agree!
Children cry often. I have students that cry on a weekly basis because they fell and got hurt, another student hurt their feelings, they're frustrated, or one of a handful of other reasons. While I do have a hard time sympathizing with the students who are wailing in such a way that they are making a mountain out of a mole hill or are faking it, seeing my students that are truly hurting and in tears often causes tears to come to my own eyes. Most children cry very freely and uninhibited. Where do we lose that? Is it because a parent or a peer tells us we have no reason to cry? Is it because someone makes fun of us for crying?
For the past several days, I have been trying to be more patient and gentle with myself when it comes to the things that cause me pain. While I may try to downplay my emotions or hold the tears back, I have to remind myself that the things I cry over are real to me and for me, they are reason enough to cry. When I share my sadness with friends, they constantly try to reassure me that it's okay to grieve the loss of a mom, it's just that - a loss. I would never tell someone else to stop crying over someone they had lost, I would never even think of it! So why is it I don't allow myself that same freedom?
To all my readers out there - be gentle with yourselves. Be patient in your sadness and know that it's okay to cry! God gave us the ability to cry and even He shed tears of His own. If the things of this world grieved Christ enough to bring Him to tears, the same can be said for us!
When did crying become so shameful for people? I have a friend who recently told me she hates crying in front of people and another friend who is always saying, "Get over it _______". I think we all can relate to these same thoughts. I certainly do. I can't even begin to count how many times I berate myself for feeling the sadness that I do at times over not having a mom. The conversation in my head goes something like this, "Quit crying (insert one of many negative descriptions of myself)! It's been 30+ years already, grow up and move on!" I've heard it said before that we would never allow someone to talk to us the way we talk to ourselves and boy, do I agree!
Children cry often. I have students that cry on a weekly basis because they fell and got hurt, another student hurt their feelings, they're frustrated, or one of a handful of other reasons. While I do have a hard time sympathizing with the students who are wailing in such a way that they are making a mountain out of a mole hill or are faking it, seeing my students that are truly hurting and in tears often causes tears to come to my own eyes. Most children cry very freely and uninhibited. Where do we lose that? Is it because a parent or a peer tells us we have no reason to cry? Is it because someone makes fun of us for crying?
For the past several days, I have been trying to be more patient and gentle with myself when it comes to the things that cause me pain. While I may try to downplay my emotions or hold the tears back, I have to remind myself that the things I cry over are real to me and for me, they are reason enough to cry. When I share my sadness with friends, they constantly try to reassure me that it's okay to grieve the loss of a mom, it's just that - a loss. I would never tell someone else to stop crying over someone they had lost, I would never even think of it! So why is it I don't allow myself that same freedom?
To all my readers out there - be gentle with yourselves. Be patient in your sadness and know that it's okay to cry! God gave us the ability to cry and even He shed tears of His own. If the things of this world grieved Christ enough to bring Him to tears, the same can be said for us!
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