The Church Search Continues...
Well, I've been at this 'looking for a new church' thing for over a month and to be honest, am not sure if I'm any farther along than when I started! It has been hard. Getting out and meeting new people has always been hard for me and the past several Sunday mornings I have found myself spending a lot of time trying to talk myself out of even going to church. It gets to the point where I just have to force myself to get up and get ready.
I tried one church for a month and really enjoyed my times of worship there. Then, last Sunday, the pastor re-did the bulletin and put more of their beliefs in it and I read that they believe in women pastors. Since I don't believe that is Biblical, I knew I had to start looking again. The hard part, though, is trying not to make a decision based on my personal bias. I went to a different church this morning, a church that a friend of mine and her family go to, and one of the first people I saw when I walked in was my old landlord who, I believe, evicted me unfairly. (There's that personal bias thing I was talking about!) There is another church in town that I tried once and really wanted to go back again, but a family from my school go there and I know for a fact that the mom talks about me behind my back at school. I just can't sit beside her in church every Sunday knowing that. (Personal bias creeping back in!) I'm telling ya, this is hard work!
Another aspect that makes this whole search even harder is the fact that my grandfather was a preacher. I grew up going to church every Sunday, sitting in a pew and listening to him preach God's Word, knowing the whole time that he was the same man coming in to my room at night. After I told about the abuse and my grandfather moved away, my family continued to go to church and I would always sit there scrutinizing the pastor, wondering what kind of secret sins he was hiding from his congregation. It was really hard to work through that and get past it. When I was in high school and God really began drawing me to Him, one of the reasons I resisted so long was because I knew I would have to put myself in a position to trust another pastor. I couldn't have been more blessed by the pastor God led me to once I gave in, he was a wonderful man of God who I came to trust very much. Since then God has continued to bless my life with pastors who have proved themselves to be true men of God. But now as I sit in the pews of new churches, listening to the pastor preach, I just can't help but go back to those old thoughts of, "What is he hiding?"
All this is to say, please keep praying for me! During the invitation at church this morning, I really prayed that God would help me to put my personal bias aside and follow His leading. I know that if I listen to Him and let Him guide me where He would have me to serve, He will work out the rest!
I tried one church for a month and really enjoyed my times of worship there. Then, last Sunday, the pastor re-did the bulletin and put more of their beliefs in it and I read that they believe in women pastors. Since I don't believe that is Biblical, I knew I had to start looking again. The hard part, though, is trying not to make a decision based on my personal bias. I went to a different church this morning, a church that a friend of mine and her family go to, and one of the first people I saw when I walked in was my old landlord who, I believe, evicted me unfairly. (There's that personal bias thing I was talking about!) There is another church in town that I tried once and really wanted to go back again, but a family from my school go there and I know for a fact that the mom talks about me behind my back at school. I just can't sit beside her in church every Sunday knowing that. (Personal bias creeping back in!) I'm telling ya, this is hard work!
Another aspect that makes this whole search even harder is the fact that my grandfather was a preacher. I grew up going to church every Sunday, sitting in a pew and listening to him preach God's Word, knowing the whole time that he was the same man coming in to my room at night. After I told about the abuse and my grandfather moved away, my family continued to go to church and I would always sit there scrutinizing the pastor, wondering what kind of secret sins he was hiding from his congregation. It was really hard to work through that and get past it. When I was in high school and God really began drawing me to Him, one of the reasons I resisted so long was because I knew I would have to put myself in a position to trust another pastor. I couldn't have been more blessed by the pastor God led me to once I gave in, he was a wonderful man of God who I came to trust very much. Since then God has continued to bless my life with pastors who have proved themselves to be true men of God. But now as I sit in the pews of new churches, listening to the pastor preach, I just can't help but go back to those old thoughts of, "What is he hiding?"
All this is to say, please keep praying for me! During the invitation at church this morning, I really prayed that God would help me to put my personal bias aside and follow His leading. I know that if I listen to Him and let Him guide me where He would have me to serve, He will work out the rest!
It is good to search based on your convictions, but I want to point out a couple of things. With the whole women as pastors thing...it is kind of a big deal, but does it really matter if they don't have a woman in the role of pastor in that church? Most churches are going to have at least a few things we don't agree with, so just a thought.
ReplyDeleteI thought about the other churches and reasons, and honestly, I think those would be all the more reason to attend those churches. It would provide opportunities for grace and reconciliation that may not otherwise be possible without extremely intentional pursuit. I say keep looking for the place you fit, but remember that the church is the place made up of broken and imperfect people trying to learn to live as Jesus taught. Good luck in the search!!!
Good thoughts! The one church did have a woman preach one of the Sundays I was there...I questioned it even then but I do believe God can give messages to women to teach, not specifically preach (I believe there's a difference) and I just wondered if that Sunday was one of those opportunities. But after reading the bulletin the last Sunday I was there, I remember a friend who attends telling me that the woman does preach at times.
ReplyDeleteYour other points are good ones and that's why I'm praying God will help me put aside my personal bias to find where He wants me to be. It's just hard because myself likes to get in the way A LOT...just ask God!!