Read Angie's Thoughts

This blog has been churning in my heart for a couple weeks now, trying to work it's way into writing but my head keeps resisting. It's something I've written about before, more than once, and yet I can't seem to make peace with it. This issue brings out the worst in the way I talk to myself. I would never let another person say to me the things I say to myself when this issue is first and foremost at the front of my mind. Things like "Get over it! You're 33 for Pete's sake!" "No one cares!" "Move on already!" "No wonder people get tired of your issues!" "You're so stupid!" For real. These thoughts, and more, go through my head on a daily basis, especially when this issue rears its ugly head A-G-A-I-N! I would like to think I am making some progress, however, as this is the first time in awhile that I've anguished over such a simple statement: I just want a mom. A full-time, 24 hour a day, 365 ...

We've had a couple of rainy days here lately and as I was driving home today, a double rainbow was front and center in my line of vision for more than 10 minutes. At first my thought "Thank you Lord! What a beautiful rainbow!" but within minutes, tears were streaming down my face and all I could say was, "Thank you Lord...thank you." I've never had this reaction to a rainbow before, usually I admire their beauty and think of my grandma (who LOVES rainbows!) and then my thoughts are on to other things. Not so today. As I was looking at the rainbow, I was thinking about the promise God gave when He created the first rainbow in the book of Genesis. God tells Noah He will never again flood the earth to the extent He just had - to the point that He told Noah to build an ark and any person or animal not on that ark was dead before the rain even stopped falling. The rainbow was a promise of God's faithfulness and mercy. Then my thoughts took me back far...

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me." ~ Isaiah 6:8 While visiting my brother and his family in Arizona last week, I went to church on Saturday and heard a sermon that left me in tears. In a nutshell, the pastor was talking about how the church exists for those in the world that don't know Christ yet, not for the Christians who go to church. He asked the congregation if we knew why Christ hasn't returned yet and his response was, "Because there are still people who don't know Him!" Tears immediately filled my eyes as my heart cried out, "Lord, I want to go." In the summer of 2004, I spent seven weeks working in orphanages in India. I loved it. Recent I've been reflecting on that summer and I find myself wanting that joy and passion I experienced during that time. I can honestly say that those seven weeks, and the months of preparation leading up...

Recently I was sitting in church on Sunday morning, watching the children's Christmas program. I was overwhelmed with joy and pondering just how blessed I was as I watched the children sing. Some students were former students of mine from Trinity, and all were children I saw every Sunday in children's church. My heart was full. For reasons unbeknownst to me, a night from almost 15 years ago came to mind as I sat there. It's a night I rarely think about and yet it could have had amazing repercussions for everyone I loved. It was Christmas Eve of my senior year, 1998... ...It was late, I don't remember the exact time, but I was home with my younger brother who was sound asleep in his room. My dad was at his girlfriend's house and I didn't expect him home for hours. The Christmas tree was lit and decorated in the living room and there were presents underneath. The stockings had been set out and there were probably even cookies and milk for Santa. It should have...

Every year I sit down and write out a list of 100 things I am thankful for. Here goes 2013's list... 1) My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Without Him, I wouldn't be here today. 2) My dad. One of my best friends and biggest supporters. 3) My nieces and nephews - Lilly, Peyton, Lola, Clara, Noah, and Sydni. Being an aunt is the best job EVER! 4) Ryan Joe McClelland. I never knew I could love a little boy so very much. 5) My grandma Judy. A stronger lady I will never know. She inspires me. 6) My brothers Bryan and Mark 7) My (might as well be) sister-in-law Kris 8) Ryan's mom Kristen. She has become a great friend of mine during this last year. I want to have faith like hers. 9) My Maggie dog. She is my constant companion and faithful shadow. 10) My cats Lola and Bo. Lola is ever the curious one and Bo is just a crotchety old man who just wants to cuddle...right in my face. 11) A warm house to live in 12) A reliable car that is completely paid for 13) My best fri...

I've learned a lot about friendships recently and whether anyone will read it or not, I thought I would share some of what I've learned... * Friendships are work. Hard work at times. Friendships can bring so much joy and yet incredible pain and heartache. You have to decide that through it all, you're going to stick with that person and do whatever it takes to make things work. * Some friendships are for a season. For reasons only He knows, God brings certain friends into our lives at just the time we need them. When that season has passed, the friendship begins to fade. When I was walking through the journey of healing from the abuse in my childhood, God brought me many good friends that encouraged me, listened to me, cried with me, and celebrated with me. As I began to move past that time in my life, those friendships fizzled out, some until they ceased to exist at all. And you know what? I'm okay with that. * With some friends, I've learned you almost have ...

The Bible has a lot to say about faith. I expect it would. :-) I especially love the verses in Matthew 18 that talk about the way society is to value children and how the faith of little ones matters so much to Him. Last night as I was driving Ryan home after taking him out to dinner while his mom and dad had a date night, I was struck by his faith in those around him and it has made me examine my faith in God in a new light. Ryan doesn't have a care in the world. Seriously. When he goes to bed at night, he sleeps soundly, trusting that his mom and dad love him. When he wakes up in the morning, or from nap time, he trusts someone will come get him out of his crib. When his diaper needs changing, he trusts someone will do it. When he's hungry, he trusts someone will get him a snack or fix him a meal. When someone puts a plate in front of him, he trusts that the food is healthy and yummy, not something that will make him sick or hurt him. When he's thirsty and needs a '...