Wanting to be a person of love...among other things!
I heard a really good sermon yesterday and it's been something my brain has been tossing around the past 48 hours. It was refreshing, first of all, to hear a sermon that inspired me. I don't know if it was his talent as a preacher or mine as a pew-sitter, but I could tune out the pastor at my former church the minute he started to preach. Sad, yes, but a true confession on my part.
Anyway, at the new church I am trying for awhile, the pastor really preached a good one that got me thinking. He talked about how unbelievers are always watching Christians from the outside, to see how we live our lives. One way he said we should be known is by our love. I'm not a very loving person, I'm tend to lean more on the selfish, always-think-of-me way of living. I'd like to think I show love to my students every day by not killing them when they're slacking off or giving me an attitude, but when it comes to intentionally doing things for other people out of love, especially people I don't know, I fall short. It's easier for me to love people in my life who show me love - friends, family members, students, etc., but if love is what should set me apart as a Christian, I figure I need to start showing it to those who are hard to love....like the stranger who walks in a building right in front of me but lets the door slam shut in my face, the lady at the check-out lane that slams my produce across the scanner and lets it roll down the counter, or the person who cuts me off in traffic.
It's not just strangers that are hard for me to love though, loved ones fall into that category as well. It's hard for me to love the mom who has never made me a priority in her life and who has always chosen something - whether it be men, drugs, alcohol - over me. It's hard for me to love my grandfather when he continues to deny that he has abused his grandchildren. It's hard for me to love my younger brother when he has made selfish choice after selfish choice that have hurt my dad and countless others who have shown him nothing but love and support. It's even hard for me to love myself with all the mistakes I make each day and the ways I constantly screw things up for myself and others. It's just hard to love period.
That's why I'm making it a new priority in my life to intentionally show love to at least one hard-to-love person every day. I'd like to be ambitious and say, like, 5 people, but honestly knowing myself, 1 is a good place to start! Of course, that will start tomorrow since I was sitting here on the couch after I got home from school realizing I didn't do anything intentionally out of love today! I'm thankful God's mercies are new every morning!
Another thing the pastor talked about is that we should be known for our prayer, especially for those who have hurt us. It was totally a God thing because he mentioned specifically praying for someone who has abused you and done horrendous things to you. (Hmmm, I think God may be staring to catch on to the fact that subtleness has no effect on me, I need to be hit right over the head with things!) After the pastor said that, I got to thinking about my grandfather. Honestly, I've never thought much about praying for him. I thought it was a big enough hurdle that I was able to pray forgivenss towards him! But what an amazing witness to those watching from the outside - to pray for the man who abused me as a child, you know? Then I was faced with the question of how/what to pray for him. I'm going to pray that he admits to his sins while he is still here on earth and not take them to the grave with him. My abuse is all he will admit to, he denies all other allegations. I know it would bring such validation and peace to my cousins for him to admit what he has done to them and to be sorry for it. I honestly don't believe he is sorry for what he did, just sorry that he got caught. He has never made an apology to me without adding a million 'buts' into the apology to justify why he did what he did. Also, the rest of my family that lives blissfully in denial that anything ever happened need to know the truth and hear him admit to the reality of the situation.
So anyway, those are my thoughts after pondering yesterday's sermon. I am asking you, as my friends and brothers and sisters in Christ, to hold me accountable to these new goals I have. Don't be afraid to ask if I'm praying for my grandfather and being loving to those who are hard to love. I know I can't do it on my own, so I'm asking you to please come along side me in this even if I get defensive or try to make excuses for why I've slacked off. Thank you, thank you, thank you in advance!!
Anyway, at the new church I am trying for awhile, the pastor really preached a good one that got me thinking. He talked about how unbelievers are always watching Christians from the outside, to see how we live our lives. One way he said we should be known is by our love. I'm not a very loving person, I'm tend to lean more on the selfish, always-think-of-me way of living. I'd like to think I show love to my students every day by not killing them when they're slacking off or giving me an attitude, but when it comes to intentionally doing things for other people out of love, especially people I don't know, I fall short. It's easier for me to love people in my life who show me love - friends, family members, students, etc., but if love is what should set me apart as a Christian, I figure I need to start showing it to those who are hard to love....like the stranger who walks in a building right in front of me but lets the door slam shut in my face, the lady at the check-out lane that slams my produce across the scanner and lets it roll down the counter, or the person who cuts me off in traffic.
It's not just strangers that are hard for me to love though, loved ones fall into that category as well. It's hard for me to love the mom who has never made me a priority in her life and who has always chosen something - whether it be men, drugs, alcohol - over me. It's hard for me to love my grandfather when he continues to deny that he has abused his grandchildren. It's hard for me to love my younger brother when he has made selfish choice after selfish choice that have hurt my dad and countless others who have shown him nothing but love and support. It's even hard for me to love myself with all the mistakes I make each day and the ways I constantly screw things up for myself and others. It's just hard to love period.
That's why I'm making it a new priority in my life to intentionally show love to at least one hard-to-love person every day. I'd like to be ambitious and say, like, 5 people, but honestly knowing myself, 1 is a good place to start! Of course, that will start tomorrow since I was sitting here on the couch after I got home from school realizing I didn't do anything intentionally out of love today! I'm thankful God's mercies are new every morning!
Another thing the pastor talked about is that we should be known for our prayer, especially for those who have hurt us. It was totally a God thing because he mentioned specifically praying for someone who has abused you and done horrendous things to you. (Hmmm, I think God may be staring to catch on to the fact that subtleness has no effect on me, I need to be hit right over the head with things!) After the pastor said that, I got to thinking about my grandfather. Honestly, I've never thought much about praying for him. I thought it was a big enough hurdle that I was able to pray forgivenss towards him! But what an amazing witness to those watching from the outside - to pray for the man who abused me as a child, you know? Then I was faced with the question of how/what to pray for him. I'm going to pray that he admits to his sins while he is still here on earth and not take them to the grave with him. My abuse is all he will admit to, he denies all other allegations. I know it would bring such validation and peace to my cousins for him to admit what he has done to them and to be sorry for it. I honestly don't believe he is sorry for what he did, just sorry that he got caught. He has never made an apology to me without adding a million 'buts' into the apology to justify why he did what he did. Also, the rest of my family that lives blissfully in denial that anything ever happened need to know the truth and hear him admit to the reality of the situation.
So anyway, those are my thoughts after pondering yesterday's sermon. I am asking you, as my friends and brothers and sisters in Christ, to hold me accountable to these new goals I have. Don't be afraid to ask if I'm praying for my grandfather and being loving to those who are hard to love. I know I can't do it on my own, so I'm asking you to please come along side me in this even if I get defensive or try to make excuses for why I've slacked off. Thank you, thank you, thank you in advance!!
Hey girl! I know you don't feel so loving but I have never felt anything from you but love. You are great and I know that you will do a great job learning to love those that are hard to love. I will be praying for you and I am here for you if you need me because I LOVE YOU!
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